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Rahmin' It Home, Biatches! There's A New Big (Chicago Style Hot) Dog In Town

Notorious Windy City gangster Rahm “9 fingers” Emanuel easily cruised his way to winning the most freakin’ corrupt job in American politics, as the newest, latest, greatest Mayor-For-Life-Not-Named-Daley of the great city of Chicago.

Awww, hells yeah!

After a grueling race, which saw Rahm temporarily booted off the ballot before threatening to put his boot
down the appellate court’s throat lest they wise the f up and return his name to its proper place atop the ballot, Obama’s former White House chief of staff poking buck naked, rogue Democratic congressmen with his stump finger in the shower took home more than 50 percent of the vote, enough to avoid a runoff and claim his rightful spot as the new (sausage?) King of Chicago.

Haha, suck it Chico! How do you like dem apples?? Just kidding, they don’t eat apples in Chicago, unless they’re drenched in caramel and rolled in nuts, first. Duh!

FIFTY FOUR MOTHERFUCKING PERCENT, BITCHES.Wed Feb 23 01:43:00 via web
If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.Wed Feb 23 02:14:45 via web

Except if you’re a Cubs fan, sucker!

But seriously, Rahm couldn’t of said it better if he was Dr. King himself!

Finally the Second City’s dream of an adorable, new, 9½ fingered, foulmouthed overlord to permanently call our own has come true!

Too bad the same cannot be said for winters that don’t make you wanna jump off the Sears, err, Willis Tower, reasonable sales tax rates, governors who don’t finish their terms in jail, and a city that actually knows how to create a budget without going dead broke.

So, ummm, congratulations, Chicago!

Just try not to make him mad. Dude’s scary enough when smiling!

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