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Pray The Gale Away: Even Hurricane Isaac Wants Nothing To Do With Tampa Or The RNC

A few days ago the decision was made by RNC organizers to employ the Bush Doctrine and preemptively strike down all convention activites on Monday to avoid a potentially disastrous, massive washing-away of the similarly massive eat mor chikin, do les xrsize convention delegate crowd.

I know what you’re thinking. Why on God’s once-green Earth would the wrath of Jesus Christ in the form of Hurricane Isaac target Tampa now, at precisely the same time all the righteous people in America are gathered there?

Well, thank God Almighty we don’t have to. No, no, I mean literally thank God. This is Republicans we’re talking about!

Specifically, Reverend Jesten Peters of the Florida-based Keys of Authority Ministries, whose congregation prayed hard for this heavenly temper tantrum to reset its navigation course, and take its bitchy, cyclone ass far away from the Republican National Convention in good ol’ God-fearing Tampa.

“We have had lots and lots of people praying around the clock that it would move,” Rev. Peters told Christian Broadcasting Network correspondent Paul Strand. “And after you watch from the very beginning where they were saying it was coming and now where they say it is going, then it has really moved out of the way for us and we appreciate God doing that and moving it for us!”

OMG, the prayers worked! Tampa is saved! Isaac is now expected to strengthen into a hurricane and make landfall on the seventh anniversary of Katrina.

The sodomites, abortionists, and fornicators of Louisiana are on notice again!

Unfortunately, eager young conservatives’ hopes of being forcibly blown in bushes and back alleys will no longer be fulfilled by Mother Nature, who probably got knocked up anyway. The whore!

Instead, they’ll just have to do it the traditional Republican way: via Craigslist. Like God intended.

[image via Gawker]

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