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Philip Rivers Lobs Endorsement At Rick Santorum, But Like Most Things He Throws, It Will Probably Get Intercepted

Via Big Swinging Chicks:

Still irrelevent San Diego Chargers’ QB and Satan gangledopper, Philip Rivers, has apparently taken a break from his usual shrieking at opposing teams’ sidelines and fumbling key, game-clinching snaps to throw his (wobbly, slightly-retarded looking, likely intercepted) ball into a different kind of arena: the political one. But sadly for Mr. Rivers, unlike Qualcomm, this arena does require brains.

Ooops!


Umm, hello? You forgot about “No fatties!” Surely our founding fathers were very clear about the acceptable skin-to-flab ratio! Ben Franklin ain’t no chubby chaser!

He couldn’t possibly have the time, with Jefferson and Hancock constantly getting their breeches in a bunch about the gays gettin’ hitched and gals gettin’ stitched after their 10th abortion in less than a fortnight, the little puritan sluts!

Good thing Philip Rivers understands these things, which is why he, along with Jesus Christ in a sweater vest, Rick Santorum, are joining forces (but not in a gay way) to create their own holy, two-man crusade against the evil gayification of Christian America, so there will be new jobs for all the out-of-work abortionists and roving squads of psycho Granny-killers.

Like shit to Santorum and salty QB tears to Rivers, Rick and Phil go together like white on rice (ugh, too Asiany!) like white on ice (too Russiany!), like white on a presidential ballot (ah yes just right!).

Which comes as no surprise. Rivers has always had an aversion to winning!

Hail Mary!! That is, if she wasn’t aborted first.

[image via AP]

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