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NJ Governor Chris Christie Won't Say If He Believes In Evolution, But Admits His Deep Belief In Second Helpings

New Jersey Governor of Sandwiches, Chris (yes, I have the same name twice) Christie was either in a terrible mood, terribly hungry, or terribly confused when he mistook a reporter for a patty melt, because he practically bit her head off for asking a simple, innocent question, if he believes in evolution or the theory of creationism, during a press conference.

“That’s none of your business,” Christie snapped, because whether the democratically elected leader of your state, in this case, New Jersey, believes that Adam & Eve rode around on a pet Brontosaurus with baby Jesus in tow when the Earth was created 6,000 years ago, is clearly nothing the nosy public need concern themselves with.

Besides, Christie already answered your annoying, pesky questions at a town hall last week!

“Evolution is required teaching,” Christie said. “If there’s a certain school district that also wants to teach creationism, that’s not something we should decide in Trenton.”

So true! It should be up to Jesus Christ and maybe Mother Mary, if she isn’t too busy getting knocked up by God, certainly not some obnoxious, morbidly obese governor of Snooki and The Situation.

What the hell is wrong with you people, anyway?

I mean, it’s not like Christie is endorsing the belief that the Earth was created by an old bearded man in the sky thousands of years ago instead of nuclear processes caused by the rapid expansion of an extremely hot and dense state billions of years ago, or anything like that. It’s more that he is simply endorsing his own presidential aspirations by pretending to be the kind of crazy, conservative wingnut the GOP can really get behind.

“I probably have little business getting myself involved in these kinds of questions,” Christie said, adding that local school boards “should be making those decisions about what curriculum is being taught in your schools.”

Like how Ronnie Reagan parted the Red Sea with nothing but a rod and unshakable faith in the trickle down deity in a heroic effort to free corporations from the shackles of government regulated slavery.

“I think it’s really a dangerous area for a governor who stands up from the top of the state to say, ‘You should teach this. You shouldn’t teach that,’ ” he said.

Except for the little fact that that’s exactly what the state is supposed to do, determining precisely what kids must learn in each subject, each year, and then testing them accordingly.

Not like the actual elected leader of the state should know that or anything.  Knowledge?? Ugh, talk about dangerous!

Besides, has anyone even seen his birth certificate? What the hell did Christie evolve from, anyway? KFC Double Downs & The Colonel’s famous secret blend of spices?

So, Chris Christie doesn’t believe in evolution, eh?? Judging by the looks of him, sounds more like evolution doesn’t believe in Chris Christie!

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1 comment to NJ Governor Chris Christie Won’t Say If He Believes In Evolution, But Admits His Deep Belief In Second Helpings

  • in my post, and then you make this rneerfece to me as a “little boy who hates the world.” I’ve received several of these comments where people spew hate and then accuse me of being hateful. There is some amusement value to that. It reminds me of the violent “peace” activists of the world.I just want Republicans to have some guts. Propose their $60 billion in cuts or whatever they’re going to do, and let the government shutdown occur, if that’s the way the Democrats want to play. And I can tell from the violence of your reaction, Anonymous, that you’re quite afraid this will work.

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