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Night Of The Living Dead


We’ve Come For Your Brains

Ahhhhh, attack of the killer zombies! Run for your lives!
Now that they’ve acquired a taste for human flesh, Rush, Newt, Dick and the rest of the GOP’s living dead can’t stop feasting on everyone’s brains.

You see, the Republican Party has become many bad things—intolerant, hateful, incoherent, delusional, and worst of all, undead. The once-vibrant GOP of yesteryear has morphed into a wrinkled, decrepit corpse of its former self, having scared off just about everyone who isn’t white, male, packing heat, or old enough to have witnessed General Lee’s surrender at Appomattox.

But what is a political party that’s predominantly pasty-skinned, middle-aged, male, Southern, God-fearing, conservative, unpopular, impotent, ass-backwards, and regarded negatively by more than half the population to do?

Clearly, the answer is to dine on the tasty flesh of one another, especially uppity moderates like Colin Powell who believe the party should adapt to the changing times. Hahaha, yeah, like half-dead creatures of the underworld adapt!

Instead these ghosts of Republicans past continue to haunt their beloved party–and won’t stop until the GOP takes its rightful place in a glass-enshrined case at the museum besides the Whigs, Free Soilers, and Prohibitionists.

Even strong and mighty CIA director Leon Panetta is spooked by these half-dead relics creeping around, praying for demonchild Barack Obama to fail almost as much as their skin to stop falling off. Especially Dick.

“I think he smells some blood in the water on the national-security issue. It’s almost, a little bit, gallows politics. When you read behind it, it’s almost as if he’s wishing that this country would be attacked again, in order to make his point. I think that’s dangerous politics.”

But feasting on the flesh of the innocent? That’s child’s play.

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