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New Congressional Women’s Caucus Proves You Don't Have To Be A Man To Hate Women, You Just Have To Be Republican!

It’s no secret that the one thing women want more than anything else in the world is more government in their vaginas. Way, way deep, up there in their mother’s vaginas, in their daughter’s vaginas, in their great grandmother’s vaginas, and God & GOP willing, in every vagina across this great land, for now and forever, like the good testosterone-filled Lord intended. Amen.

Well, thank heavens the 24 Republican congressladies (and their 24 ladyparts) on the newly formed Women’s Policy Committee know stupidity is the first requirement of conservatism. And the second, third and fourth. Then, self-loathing.

Which helps explain why a caucus aimed at “raising the profile of GOP women in their roles as lawmakers, highlighting their diverse achievements and providing a unique, unified voice on a wide range of critically important issues” would be as hostile to ladyfolk as the Grand Old Party of misogynists they belong to, voting overwhelmingly against women’s rights as much as humanly, err make that womanly, possible.

A quick review of their voting records via Think Progress:

  • Violence Against Women: Of the 24 women, 22 voted to rollback the Violence Against Women Act, backing a version of the bill that could violate the confidentiality of victims and that excluded protections for immigrants, LGBT people, and Native Americans.
  • Access to contraception: 21 of the 24 co-sponsored the “Respect for Rights of Conscience Act” to take away regulations enacted under Obamacare requiring most employers to cover birth control in their health insurance plans, without additional cost-sharing.
  • Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act: Of the 15 Republican Congresswomen who were in the House at the time, all 15 voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009, a law that helps women hold accountable employers who discriminate in the pay practices based on gender.
  • Paycheck Fairness Act Act: 13 of those 15 also voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act, which would update the 1963 Equal Pay Act by closing many of its loopholes and strengthening incentives to prevent pay discrimination.
  • Reproductive health: According to Planned Parenthood, 20 of the 24 GOP women earned a zero score, voting against reproductive health at every opportunity. The average score for the women was under 6 percent.

Oooh how liberating! I guess the new slogan of the Republican Women caucus is “We Know Our Place.” Behind the nearest man, hands folded demurely, lips sealed, and eyes pointing down in respectful deference.

“Make no mistake, these aren’t just leaders on so-called ‘women’s issues,’ these are women leaders on all issues,” House Speaker John Boehner said.  “I am confident the Women’s Policy Committee will offer a fresh, new perspective on a vast array of challenges confronting Congress and be an important voice for the Republican Conference.”

After all, a lady should always be fresh as a daisy, and make approximately the same amount of noise.

Majority Leader Eric Cantor added, “Republican Women are leading the charge on issues that matter most to small businessmen and women and working families throughout the country. The newly-minted House Republican Women’s Policy Committee will provide a much-needed forum for thoughtful deliberation as we work to address big challenges like tax reform, health care and our nation’s debt. Through their varied backgrounds and personal experiences, the members of the House Republican Women’s Policy Committee have a unique advantage in making the case for lower taxes, less government red tape and pro-growth policies to get people back to work.”

Woohoo! Let’s get government’s big red tape out of our wallets and back into our vaginal canals to ensure those awesome pro-growth policies they’re always prattling on about apply exclusively to the soon-to-be expanding waistelines of every happily knocked up vessel of precious li’l miracles of congressional overreach.

“As mothers, grandmothers, daughters, wives and sisters, women often see things in a different context,” Rep. Bono Mack explained. “Today, our nation is confronting historic challenges – from a $15 trillion national debt to a sluggish economy that has suffered through 39 straight months of unemployment above 8 percent.  As Republican women, we have some really unique ideas for moving our nation forward, and we’re excited about working together to find solutions.”

To keep men in the workplace, or more specifically between our legs, where they can probe, prod, poke, and procreate to their uniquely estrogen-less hearts.

“When I am back home visiting with women in my district, the number one concern I hear is that the uncertainty in Washington about regulation, litigation and taxation is hindering their ability to innovate and create jobs,” said Rep. Marsha Blackburn.  “The Women’s Policy Committee was formed with the idea of better educating Members on the issues that impact women on a daily basis, whether they be mothers, daughters, or small business owners. I am honored to have been selected as a Vice Chair of this distinguished group of Republican women and look forward to our work ahead.”

To take society backwards.

According to its mission statement, the Women’s Policy Committee “is organized for the purpose of influencing, advancing, leading, and communicating the Republican agenda in the House of Representatives and is dedicated to the principles of job creation, less government, lower taxes, regulatory relief, personal responsibility, individual freedoms and a strong national defense.”

Like real (wo)men. After all, as Republicans, they already have the dick part down pat.

[image via MotleyNews]

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