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Mixed Nutz: Hippies Crackin’ Nazis, Almond-Led Gun Nuts Packin’ Heat In Parks, Romney Roastin’ Wingnuts, & Sarah’s Stash Of Cold, Hard Ca$hews


About 40 lame-o white supremacists from some quasi neo-Nazi militia in Detroit headed west to the Mexican haven of Los Angeles to protest all the dirty, gross brown people working, living, and breathing (gasp!) the pure, white air there every day en route to reclaiming the land stolen from them by the evil gringos during the Mexican-American war.

Sadly, the Nazis were soon yelled at and beaten up by local hippies, Jews, Latinos, Blacks and other scary minorities who were apparently able to bully their way past the Black and Latino cops dispatched to protect the nice group o’ Nazis while they exercised their First Amendment rights to tell all non-milk hued undesirables (black and Latino cops included) to stop “clogging up our streets” and get the f**k out of their country, God’s country, as soon as they’re done making sure Hitler’s new Aryan Army doesn’t get too roughed up by the ominous second-class citizens (hippies included!) closing in on them.

Must be the new high-grade medical marijuana. That Cali chronic’s crazier than Nazis and Teabaggers, yo!

One neo-Nazi, bloodied by the protesters, carried a sign that read “Christianity=Paganism=Heathen$” with an arrow pointing at a swastika.

“Gosh, I think he just didn’t have a clear message. I don’t even think he was a Nazi,” said one onlooker who witnessed the melee.

Those crazy Nazis! Wait, or was it Teabaggers? It’s sooooo hard to keep ’em straight these days!

Speaking of kindred Nazi and Teabagger spirit, the latest Public Policy Polling survey of leading Republican candidates for the 2012 presidential elections shows Mittens Romney continuing to dazzle at the top of the pack, followed by the new spokesman against sodomizing puppies, Mike Huckabee at 27%, and beautiful Alaskan wanderer-turned-millionaire-wonder Sarah Palin at 23%.

“The big story in 2012 polling continues to be Palin’s surprisingly poor performance. She hasn’t led in a single one of the dozen individual states we’ve taken a look at, and runs ten points behind Romney nationally. She is actually the most well liked of the GOP front runners with 66% viewing her favorably to 55% for Huckabee and 54% for Romney, but there’s a disconnect between how much voters like Palin and how willing they are to support her for President.”

President of America, that is. But, President of Facebook, you betcha!

Speaking of our #1 favoritest maverick to ever venture from her frozen home near Russia to bless us sinners in the sweltering, Godless mainland by letting us help her make Mount McKinley’s of money, none of which she will donate to any candidates of any party because she is Sarah and Sarah doesn’t do elitist things like donate money to actual candidates.

She does Sarah-y things like draw pretty interactive map hit lists targeting vulnerable congressional Democrats with gun crosshairs, along with peaceful, political words like “reload,” “aim” and “fire,” so people will know to bust out their bullet point pens and spray ink all over the ballot box. For freedom!

Sure, Sarah put the bull’s eye on 20 U.S. House races on her favoritest Facebook, because every gun nut knows “Take up your arms’ means voting.”

What it doesn’t mean is her highness giving even one cent (her two-sense is apparently enough) to any of the “favored” candidates in those same contested districts during the first quarter of the year.

“Although her SarahPAC took in $400,000 in the first quarter and had more than $900,000 in the bank, it gave only $7,500 to candidates between January and the end of March, plus an additional $2,000 to two other PACs. None went to Republicans in the races she targeted.”

Instead, it went to important things like de-icing private planes, helping Sarah learn secret tricks like how to scribble speeches on her hand (teleprompters are so elitist!), post on social networking sites (that series of tubes called the internets can be so darned tricky!), and find the perfect shade of lipstick to go with her new designer digs for maverick hockey mom pigs who know there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

A DemoCAT, that is!

Quite the li’l pistol, that one!

Speaking of unhinged firearms, a bunch of paranoid, delusional gun nuts masquerading as patriots descended on two federal parks in Virginia to make history as the first people to wave AK-47s and other semi automatic weapons at a demonstration in a national park to protest the federal government taking away the rights of paranoid gun fanatics to brandish their weapons and scream about said evil federal government.

Of course, those coming to the “Restore the Constitution” rally give no credit to President Obama for signing the law that permits them to bring their guns to Fort Hunt, run by the National Park Service, or to Gravelly Point, as close to the District as they could get while packin’ some metal muscle and also complying with local and Interior Department regulations. Nor are they comforted by a broad expansion of gun rights in several states since B. Hussein’s election.

Nope. These real Americans don’t need trivial things like facts or truth to tell them why they hate this black menace in the White House, and his Democratic cabal of secret Muslim terrorists, Commies and Socialists out to destroy America. With health care. And gay rights. And sensible nuclear policies. And Wall Street regulations. And abortions. And immigrants.

But, for the rest of those fake Americans not packing heat or carrying extra ammo magazines strapped to their rear, who aren’t afraid of the big, bad (black) government comin’ for their guns and grandmas, it is probably a wise idea to stay as far away from Gravelly Point or Fort Hunt Park as possible, because one of these “heroes” will probably see something dark rustling around, mistake it for a bear or black person, and start accidentally(?) spraying bullets in all directions.

Just like Jesus and the Constitution intended.

The brandishing of weapons is “not just an important symbol” but “a reminder of who we are,” said rally organizer Daniel Almond.

Dumb, racist wingnuts who wouldn’t know the constitution if it hit them over the head. Unless it came ripping out the other end in a trail of exploding flesh, blood and brain matter.

“The founders knew that it is the tendency of government to expand itself and embrace its own power, and they knew the citizenry had to be reminded of that.”

Just like that other “patriot” who hated the terrible government so much he blew up the Oklahoma city federal building and murdered 168 people, including 19 little kids at daycare, and reminded everyone what another freedom-loving hero of the right does to show his love of America on this very April 19th day, 15 years ago.

But you may remember him better as convicted terrorist and mass murderer, Timothy McVeigh.

2 comments to Mixed Nutz: Hippies Crackin’ Nazis, Almond-Led Gun Nuts Packin’ Heat In Parks, Romney Roastin’ Wingnuts, & Sarah’s Stash Of Cold, Hard Ca$hews

  • “One neo-Nazi, bloodied by the protesters, carried a sign that read “Christianity=Paganism=Heathen$” with an arrow pointing at a swastika.” How stupid are you? How the fuck is the person (namely me) carrying that sign (which also said BURN IN HELL) under those other words, a neo-Nazi. Try getting a fucking brain cell that works before labeling people, especially when that person is me.

    I won’t bother to explain what the sign means, I’m sure someone like yourself has that little trap of mind already made up. Besides a fuckin’ dictionary could explain any difficult words. I stand by what the sign said and you heathen can play as dumb as you want, I KNOW you know damn well WTF the sign means. You pagans don’t like what it means, cause it finally exposes y’all to the truth about what y’all always were and still are.

  • imissamerica

    This heathen was simply quoting what every major news outlet was labeling you, a neo-nazi. Perhaps if you don’t want to be called a Neo-Nazi you should be more clear when you carry signs TO A NEO-NAZI RALLY with swastikas on them. Hmmmm?

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