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Mitt Romney Demands Barack Obama Immediately Suspend His Campaign Because America Deserves Better Than The Truth

OMG, people, did you hear the news? The terrible, no-good, Earth-shattering, game-changing news about Joe Biden saying the word “chains,” which is taboo because it is racist against Mitt Romney and also “divisive” “disgusting” and “not uplifitng,” three things Republicans know absolutely nothing about. Nothing!

Well, well Mittens isn’t going to take this insubordination sitting down. Heck no, it’ll just wrinkle his pants.

“After weeks of slanderous and baseless accusations leveled against Governor Romney, the Obama Campaign has reached a new low,” press secretary Andrea Saul said in a statement. “The comments made by the Vice President of the United States are not acceptable in our political discourse and demonstrate yet again that the Obama Campaign will say and do anything to win this election. President Obama should tell the American people whether he agrees with Joe Biden’s comments.”

And while you’re at it, Barry, kindly halt this whole “running for president” thing you’ve been doing because, really, it’s just not fair. Mittens Romney needs our full support!

I know what you’re thinking. But what does the Queen of Effective Campaigns (and Queen of America’s Heart), former half-term governor Sarah Palin think about mean ol’ Joe’s mean ol’ fightin’ words?

SARAH PALIN: There weren’t enough groans and boos when he said such a disgusting comment, really, especially to a demographic there that is — includes about 48 percent of the community being black Americans.

Greta, if that’s not the nail in the coffin, really, the strategists there in the Obama campaign have got to look at a diplomatic way of replacing Joe Biden on the ticket with Hillary. And I don’t want to throw out that suggestion and have them actually accept the suggestion because then an Obama-Hillary Clinton ticket would have a darn good chance of winning.

But really, Joe Biden really drags down that ticket.

And who knows more about dead weight than our Alaskan Snow Princess SarBear?

It is one thing for Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and every Republican in existence to spend the last four years calling the Democratically-elected President of the United States a secret Muslim Socialist Terrorist anti-colonial Marxist from Kenya who doesn’t understand America because he is “not white” and is nothing but some dumb community organizer who bows to foreigners and probably didn’t even really kill Bin Laden. But heavens to betsy, Joe Biden says a common, accurate metaphor about how “unshackling Wall Street” will lead to the middle class being “back in chains”, with BLACK PEOPLE ARE IN THE ROOM!?!? And he said “y’all?” OMG! Someone get him a white robe and hood, quick!

In the meantime, Mittens will take his noble fight for the right to lie and deceive all while feigning insult, straight to the umm, what do you call them, again? Oh yeah, people. Hand sanitizer, please!

From the new MittRomney.com venture, “America Deserves Better”:

President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations that disgrace the office of the Presidency. Another outrageous charge came yesterday in Virginia. And the White House sinks a little bit lower.

This is what an angry and desperate Presidency looks like.

President Obama knows better and promised better; and America deserves better.

Sign the petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago.

Got it, NOBAMA? Major metropolitan areas are for losers. Besides, Mitt feels right at home surrounded by endless acres of sparsely populated rural America.

A one-horse town? Ha, more like Ralfaca’s backyard!

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