Michele, my (liberty) belle. How nice it must be to live in an alternate dimension, one where sexy, straight-as-pray-the-gay-away homosexual conversion therapists make the perfect hubbies (not to mention personal stylists!) and loony, pill-popping, Migraine-suffering (and inducing!), unhinged gaffe-magnets come thisclose to winning the Republican nomination courtesy of their near-flawless campaign.
Ignorance Psychosis is bliss, my friends!
Good thing in Michele’s reality-defying fantasy land beyond the fourth dimension, let’s call it Bachmanndu, she is already President and doesn’t have to worry about the awful lamestream media sabotaging her heroic campaign efforts by covering every mindblowingly dumb thing she says and does.
But on Earth? Well that’s a different story altogether!
Speaking to Christian Broadcasting Network host David Brody, Bachmann explains how her “extremely careful” and “almost mistake-free” campaign was doomed by the vast liberal media conspiracy known as reality.
Via The Hill:
Michele Bachmann: I think one thing I learned is a person has to be extremely careful with what they say. Make sure you have Elvis Presley’s birthday down, because that’s very important, and know where John Wayne was born. Those are two extremely important pieces of information.
David Brody: Oh, the media loves to beat everybody up.
Michele Bachmann: What they focus on is kind of amazing, when it looks like the house is burning down around us, that’s what they care about.
David Brody: You ran pretty much an impeccable campaign, in terms of a mistake-free campaign.
Michele Bachmann: Thank you, it really was.
David Brody: It pretty much was.
Bachmann: It really was, we were extremely careful, and we were almost mistake-free, but for those two points, Elvis Presley’s birthday and John Wayne’s birthplace. I’ve apologized, and we moved beyond.
I mean, big deal. Serial killers, tough guy actors, what’s the difference? Confusing the joyous birth of rock legend Elvis Presley with the 34th anniversary of his untimely prescription drug abusing death? Who hasn’t??
Besides, she already made up for that by using her sacred one man-one woman union to Marcus as tribute to the King’s favorite indulgence, fluffer nutter sandwiches. Can you guess which one’s the fluffer and which one’s the nutter?
Oh, and there’s also that time Michele made even Rick Perry look semi-intelligent by claiming a cancer vaccine makes girls “suffer retardation.” As opposed to say, listening to Michele Bachmann.
Or when Michele signed that wingnut pledge vowing to fight evil gay marriage by marrying one herself and take America back(wards) to the good ol’ days when enslaved black children could dream of one day being free, not leader of the free world.
Alas, all good things must come to an end, so Bachmann returned to the campaign trail to face the bleak, medicated reality and formally endorse Mitt Romney.
“I am honored … to lend my voice and my endorsement to Mitt Romney as our president to take the country back.”
After all, thanks to Marcus, she has more than enough experience on taking things from behind!
[image via Wonkette]