Slovenly, Mexican-hunting former CNN resident curmudgeon, Lou Dobbs went on Bill O’ Reilly’s fair and balanced show to assure the nervous public not to worry because ol’ Lou ain’t going nowhere. In fact, it’s time to get excited people, because Lou’s gonna be everywhere!
He and the ol’ wifey have been talking and together realized they could never let that dark-hued menace pile-drive this beautiful star-spangled nation of ours into oblivion without a fight first.
Luckily, Lou is very blessed (unlike the rest of us schmucks and deadbeats) to have a lot of opportunities to continue espousing his xenophobic rants wherever he pleases. Whether it be as the next senator from New Jersey or the next bloated host of FoxNews, Lou 100% guarantees he will remain in the public arena. Hooray!
After this riveting discussion about what medium Lou will destroy next (radio? television? C-Span?), O’Reilly moves on to his final question, where he asks with utter seriousness “Is Barack Obama the devil?”
Of course, such an outrageously ridiculous question doesn’t even remotely faze racist television goblin Lou Dobbs, who is well-versed in matters of Satan and hell, and he proceeds to answer this deep philosophical query with all the weight and importance it naturally commands.
Turns out, Lou doesn’t think Obama’s the Devil per se (though we can never be sure), but what he does know is he doesn’t trust the madman or his demonic policy decisions as far as he can throw ’em.
Like what the hell is taking so long for Obama to make a decision on Afghanistan, with it being such a straightforward, crystal clear issue without any nuances or complexities to consider. I mean what’s so difficult about bombing these Arab Mexicans back to the stone ages and teaching the terrorists a real lesson by embroiling ourselves in a violent struggle halfway across the world with no viable exit strategy or guarantees except a long trail of wasted, blood-soaked trillions and dead U.S. soldiers.
Or why it’s necessary to turn over 1/6 of the economy to the evil and inept United States government that Lou loves so much but doesn’t trust to do anything except screw everything up and turn our perfect health care system (never mind those 45 million or so poor Americans) into some Soviet Gulag where Grandma goes to die but some border-hopping Mexican can get a flu-shot for his son, Pepe. For free.
Now, it’s not like Lou’s saying Obama’s the devil or anything, being the rational, fully conscious human being and cherished media icon that he is.
He’s simply using common sense and indisputable facts about what a certain Kenyan Socialist (not to mention the endless stream of Mexicans) is doing to this once-great pure, white Christian nation of ours. (Saving it?)
Let’s not forget, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!