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Livin’ On a Prayer: Please God Let Robert Byrd Die So We Can Bury Health Care With Him

Remember Sen Tom Coburn’s (R-OK) uplifting holiday message instructing everyone to pray for some dumb Democrat (that old bag Robert Byrd should do) to drop dead, or at the very least, get mangled in some freak accident so as to miss the early morning procedural vote on health care, thereby leaving the Democrats one vote shy of breaking the GOP filibuster:

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK): What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight. That’s what they ought to pray.

As it turned out however, all 100 U.S. senators showed up intact to vote on the measure, which passed on a party-line 60-40 vote. And on Tuesday morning, the Senate health care bill jumped the next procedural hurdle, with all 60 Democratic senators voting to pass the measure. However, only 39 Republicans voted against the passage, meaning one Republican was apparently missing in action. Uh-oh.

Gasp!! Could it be Coburn’s death wish backfired and claimed one of its own members, fellow Oklahoman Republican Sen. James Inhofe as victim instead of the intended Democrat in some terrible, ironic twist of fate?

Now, as with most teabagger-related stunts, it is very hard to distinguish reality from an SNL skit, but either way, a certain self-identified Republican from Georgia, let’s call him “Jesus” shall we, was so distraught his prayers for Sen. Robert Byrd to please die before the health care vote had backfired and accidentally killed beloved Republican Sen. James Inhofe instead of that ancient artifact from West Virginia, that he made this hysterical call into C-SPAN:

CALLER: Yeah doctor. Our small tea bag group here in Waycross, we got our vigil together and took Dr. Coburn’s instructions and prayed real hard that Sen. Byrd would either die or couldn’t show up at the vote the other night.

How hard did you pray because I see one of our members was missing this morning. Did it backfire on us? One of our members died? How hard did you pray senator? Did you pray hard enough?

Republican Sen. John Barrasso, who took the tearful call, didn’t really answer the question (as Republicans are naturally gifted at avoiding straightforward answers) but reassured the distressed teabagger that while he didn’t know why Inhofe missed the vote, it didn’t matter anyway since Republicans are completely irrelevant at this point.

So, Inhofe being there or not doesn’t really make one iota of difference in the long run, short run or any run for that matter.

‘Cept maybe a beer run. Ya know, make him feel like he’s actually useful. But other than that, nah, no reason for him to show up. Seriously. No one will mind.

But for the record, Inhofe is still quite alive and plans to return to the Senate for later votes this week.

We’re all very excited about it! Especially Inhofe. Death by decree is a terrible way to go.

Unless you’re a Democrat. Then by all means. It’s how God would’ve wanted it.

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