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Lack Of Funds, Credibility Dooms Sen. Roland Burris’ Re-Election Hopes

Barack Obama’s legendary replacement, Sen. Roland “No Taint” Burris, will NOT be running for re-election in 2010, keeping his streak of never being legitimately elected to the U.S. Senate alive and well. Go Roland!

Although Burris has yet to announce his decision publicly, one can only assume it may have something to do with the fact that he was appointed by Illinois’ lego-haired crime boss, former Gov. “Hot” Rod Blagojevich as a final “F you” before ditching the pinstriped suit and governor’s mansion for striped pajamas and steel bars.

Or the fact that everyone in the state pretty much thinks he’s a slime ball like his friend Blago, have repeatedly called for his resignation, and wouldn’t elect him to run a marathon let alone a senate seat, had he not been shoved down their throats by a soon-to-be forgotten hairball with a funny name.

Poor Roland tried his hardest, but alas his inability to raise campaign funds proved to be more than even a pint-sized hurricane like Burris could handle. But on the bright side, at least he earned another notch on his personal tribute to himself, The Roland Burris Tombstone of political heroes and Illinois legends.

He’s the one next to Abraham Lincoln.

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