John Boehner Will Not Stand For Some Classless Knight, Former Beatles Included, Bashing His Hero George W. Bush; But Torturing Muslims Is A-Okay!

You know what really squeezes the juice right out of John Boehner’s sad orange face? Brings those tears splatterin’ big, fat ‘n hot right out his piercing baby blues?

No, not the distinguished former eight-year Republican President George W. Bush boastin’ ’bout torturin’ Muslims, hehe, while he was The Decider or how he would do it again in a heartbeat, if he had to, for like freedom ‘n stuff!

No, no that is all fine and well, the crazy ol’ cowboy! Gosh, don’t ya just love this man? God bless the dumb bastard–those were some fine years, fine years!

What really grinds his abnormally glowing gears is when some widely idolized, knighted musical legend like say Sir Paul McCartney tells a well-established fact harmless joke about how Bush is dumb and Obama is smart and the Earth rotates ’round the sun, and it’s nice to receive an award from someone who doesn’t call your old band, “The Bad Ass Bugs,” before peeing his pants laughing hysterically, hehehehe.

“Getting this prize would just be good enough, but getting it from this president…” McCartney gushed, praising President Barack Obama for umm, not being a retarded f-up among other things.

“After the last eight years, it’s great to have a president who knows what a library is,” McCartney joked after receiving an award  for his  influence on American culture.

Well this sort of tomfoolery does not sit well with neon Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner, whose sharp humor extends only to drowning terrorist suspects, not pointing out glaring intellectual deficiencies of former Republican presidents who may not be able to pronounce nuc-u-lar, but sure as sh*t knows how to use ’em!

“Like millions of other Americans, I have always had a good impression of Paul McCartney and thought of him as a classy guy, but I was surprised and disappointed by the lack of grace and respect he displayed at the White House,” Boehner told HUMAN EVENTS. “I hope he’ll apologize to the American people for his conduct which demeaned him, the White House and President Obama.”

How dare you use the words George W. Bush and library in the same sentence!? Have you no decency? Tsk, tsk! For shame, Sir, for shame!

The only people who will demean Mr. Obama and/or the White House are Orange Boehners, born again Fox News mental patients, former half-term governors driftin’ in on the Arctic current, swastika waving patriots who can’t spell constitution so just dress like human bags o’ Lipton instead, and of course all 218 Grand Obstructionist Party members proudly voting “No!” in Congress.

Because real patriots like John Boehner know being truly demeaning is not forcing suspected detainees to wear dog chains and create awesome naked human pyramids, but having a beloved cultural icon and one of the most popular musicians of all time say a terrible, MEANY comment about his favoritest former President, the wonderfully, mighty Republican president, George W. Bush, all because he can’t read good!

Almost as torturous as having to take orders from some scary black Socialist community organizer from Kenya, instead of a semi-literate born again who swapped Jägermeister for Jesus en route to becoming God’s chosen messenger to drown New Orleans, bankrupt America, and bomb Muslims, here on Earth.

The good ol’ days! When Boehner and the rest of the Grand Old Puppets could proudly pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under W, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all none.

A fool’s paradise: It’s the American Republican dream!