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Joe Miller Loves Freedom So Much, He'll Take Away Yours Just For Asking Too Many Meany Questions

If you are a no-good, arugula-eating, non-mammal killing journylist in the Great State of Alaska and maybe wanna ask the actual Republican running for U.S. Senate, Joe ‘Grizzly Beard’ Miller, a question or two after a town hall meeting at an Anchorage middle school, consider yourself forewarned, my friend!

“We’ve drawn a line in the sand. You can ask me about background, you can ask me about personal issues — I’m not going to answer,” Miller said.

So there!

“We are calling upon all responsible members of the media (like Fox News?) to focus on the issues, the legitimate issues (Obama’s birth origins?) and not repeat basically the lies and innuendos, not repeat the clear violations of law (that I, Joe Miller, committed) but to focus on the issues at hand. Now I’ll admit, and I’ve said this before, I’m a man of flaws (no freakin’ way!), there’s no question about it. (Hey watch it, mister, we don’t say the “Q” word here!) You know, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, I haven’t been born wealthy,” he said.

Duh! Why else would he and his wife be suffering from the “entitlement mentality” he’s always shrieking about, and secretly receiving the very state and federal subsidies and/or low-income medical benefits he’s hates so much for his large, strapping family of eight children if he was some rich librul elitist instead of some rich rightwing hypocrite who looks like a homeless person?

Nevermind don’t answer that!

Unless, of course, you too want to get handcuffed and detained by the large, similarly hairy, flannel-clad behemoths who comprise Joe’s security detail, and keep their beloved, boot-wearing Paul Bunyan-esque Tea Party candidate safe from scary journalists, nosing around about his “personal background,” racking up a whole bunch of credit card debt and reneging on student loans at hoity toity elitist librul Ivy League schools like Yale, instead of real ‘merican institutions like Wasilla Community College.

The same scruffy faced Ivy League-educated Teabag lawyer and possible Brawny paper towel spokesman, Joe Miller, who defeated washed up, old hag incumbent Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary, invited a bunch of fellow friends and freedom-lovers on his favoritest Facebook and Twitter to join him at a town hall meeting to debate the issues, before suddenly deciding he doesn’t care much for this whole freedom of speech, question’ askin’ tomfoolery, so kindly scram before Joe gets really angry and goes full-out Todd Palin on your behinds.

That’s right, folks! Mama Grizz Sarah Palin and her faithful hubby Todd aren’t the only Alaska Republican with slight-to-severe anger & overreaction problems!

Just ask Tony Hopfinger, founder and editor of news website Alaska Dispatch who found himself pinned face-first against a wall, handcuffed, and placed “under arrest” by Joe Miller’s roving gang of black-suit wearing security guards protecting their Tea Boss Joe against meany reporters and their probing inquiries of his past misdeeds. Or at least until real police officers showed up and told the guards to release him because as far as they’re concerned, it is still legal in Alaska to ask senate candidates questions other than what they ate for brunch last Saturday.

Well Joe Miller certainly doesn’t think so! He knows the dirty culprit Tony Hopfinger, editor of the evil Alaska Dispatch Internet website, deserved to be arrested by fake officers of the law/real paid employees of Miller’s campaign for committing high treason. In other words, asking a question poor ol’ Joe didn’t much like. How’s that for gotcha journalism?

Tony Hopfinger was handcuffed by [Miller’s private security] guards and detained in a hallway at Central Middle School until Anchorage police came and told the guards to release Hopfinger.

Hopfinger, who was holding a small video camera, said he was attempting to draw out a statement from Miller on why he was disciplined by the Fairbanks North Star Borough when Miller worked there as a part-time attorney.

After Miller walked away, Hopfinger said, Miller’s security team pushed him and he pushed back because he felt his personal space was being invaded. He says guards detained him and accused him of trespassing, although the town hall was a public event held at Central Middle School, a public building.

“The Dispatch reporter repeatedly pushed a camera into the face of Mr. Miller,” Miller’s security guard William Fulton said. “He continued to aggressively pursue him. I told the reporter several times that he needed to stop and that he was trespassing, he ignored me. He then proceeded to stalk Mr. Miller and even shoved an individual into a locker. Based upon this trespass and his assault, we detained him and escorted him from the premises.”

You go, Joe!

Of course a simple “no comment” usually does the trick, but not for figthin’ Joe Miller, who apparently much prefers to handcuff and faux arrest citizens instead. It’s waaaaay more fun and exciting, albeit potentially embarrassing, though Joe’s never seemed to have a problem with that before. He did get endorsed by Sarah Palin, after all!

In a statement on the incident Sunday evening, Miller said Hopfinger appeared irrational, angry and potentially violent. You mean he pulled a Palin??

“While I’ve gotten used to the blog Alaska Dispatch’s assault on me and my family, I never thought that it would lead to a physical assault,” Miller said. “It’s too bad that this blogger would take advantage of a ‘Town Hall’ meeting to create a publicity stunt just two weeks before the election.”

Yes, how dare this insidious blogger take advantage of an all-inclusive Town Hall meeting to create a publicity stunt about how this one psycho Teabagger for Senate (no one ever heard of before two months ago) refuses to answer any press questions about his weirdo personal or professional background, but will not hesitate to arrest any dumb sad sack media schlub who speaks such blasphemy just two weeks before the election!?

When will this rude, nosy, no-life blogger learn it is not the place of journalists to ask their little-known political candidates to disclose the truth about the various quasi-legal undertakings of their shady past, like say back in 2008 when they were not-at-all-sketchily fired from their part time job as city attorney for Fairbanks North Star Borough for inappropriately using government property to unseat the state GOP party chairman?? I mean, ugh, the nerve!

This is not what good upstanding Joe Miller citizens do! Sure, feel free to ask the man what his favorite color is (umm, white?), his preferred caliber hunting rifle (.338 Winchester Magnum, 24″ barrel, 2-6x scope), or even his favoritest blend of delicious, refreshing herbal Tea (anything but black!). These are all well and good and Joe would be more than happy to answer each ‘n every one of ’em.

When will the stupid lamestream media get it through their thick skulls that Joe Miller does not want nor will tolerate being treated like an an actual candidate for U.S. Senate who has to answer questions about not just their past, but their present, future, and all other relevant information relating to their 43 years of existence on Earth?

Does his flannel shirt, lumberjack beard, and long, sketchy history of debt-ridden scandals and abuses of power not tell you everything you need to know??

For Christ’s sake, the man enjoys his hotcakes thick, fluffy, stacked sky high, and drenched in sweet syrup, believes in the power of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, hates gubmint, loves freedom, (except the annoying press kind), adores Alaska, save for that awful Murkowski lady, and is just like you!

Sans the legal/professional woes, serial killer beard, whole ‘living in Alaska’ thing, and of course deep gratitude to El Barracuda herself, Sarah Louise Palin, for putting a no-name hothead who loves federal benefits and facial hair but simply can’t stand bastard reporters’ pryin’ questions, on the political map.

But on the bright side, at least Joe Miller’s campaign is staying on message: “I am an asshole & you will be arrested.”

Now shut your stinkin’ trap, mind your own darn business, go vote for Joe, and maybe, just maybe, the wondrous state of Alaska can be big enough for Joe and those who don’t enjoy steel cuffs locked around their bruised, swollen wrists by some freaky nobody senate candidate’s crazed, overzealous, Gestapo campaign staff.

Isn’t freedom the bestest???

Hmmm, what’s that you say? “No comment?” Wise choice, pal.

2 comments to Joe Miller Loves Freedom So Much, He’ll Take Away Yours Just For Asking Too Many Meany Questions

  • Seems to be an awful lot of fighting going on up there in Alaska. They all need to go back hunting Grizzly Bears and sucking on icebergs!

  • I don’t know about you, but I’ve been anticipating this day for almost 24 months. There is a lots of good news out now there: AFSCME and the Democrat Congressional Campaign Committee applying for loans to fuel the attack ads; Barney Frank lending himself $200, 000. parallel their own money they don’t know when to halt spending, why should we expect they are able to do any better having ours?

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