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Is Everyone's Fave Straight-As-A-Southern-Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed As A Deviant, Army Distracting Homosexual?

South Carolina’s favorite sexually ambiguous native son, lifelong bachelor, and lesbian look-a-like senior Senator Lindsey Graham is always reliably against deviant homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because well, Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all!

And not just any gay-bashin’ war lovin’ rough ‘n tumble conservative from below the Mason-Dixon line, but a certain effeminate, never-been-married gent (which pretty much proves everything), whose been hounded by gay rumors ever since he first pranced on the political scene back in the ’90s when Right Said Fred was still doing his little turn on the catwalk.

Sadly, despite all of Lindsey’s noble efforts to distance himself from the hideous queers by trying desperately to keep them away from America’s sacred heterosexual altars and military barracks, the rainbow rumors just won’t go away!

Even his convincing declaration in a 2009 New York Times Magazine interview, “I ain’t gay” isn’t enough to keep the not-at-all-suspicious spring out his perfectly straight step.

To make matters even worse, gay rights activist and world famous outer of closeted, hypocritical, self-loathing politicians, Mike Rogers, claims to have “pictures of a man who spent the night” with Sen. Lindsey Graham, which is absolutely CRAZY because everyone knows Republicans cannot be gay because of Jesus ‘n the bible ‘n stuff.

But Mike Rogers’ Twitter account says otherwise:

I wonder if Lindsey Graham knows I have pictures of a man who spent the night at his house. pls RT
– 10:57 AM Dec 18th
Just reached lawyer at home. Meeting set for Tues. on releasing pix of man who spent night at Lindsey Graham’s.
– 11:05 AM Dec 18th

But what ever does Mr. Rogers (sorry, I couldn’t resist) mean by “pictures of a man who spent the night” at Graham’s house? Pictures of his secret little boy toy/luggage handler scurrying furtively from his front porch wearing nothing but a silk robe and slippers? Candid shots of a loving embrace, steamy goodbye kiss or otherwise compromising position of the Senator and his special man friend?

Perhaps it was just his bestest friend in the whole world, John McCain, paying his fellow Grand Old Patriot a friendly visit for a quick round of Twister while discussing all the terrible “gay distractions” swirling around the old man’s deranged, rapidly deteriorating mind?

Because one thing America will not, cannot afford is all these God-awful “gay distractions” causing once full-bodied, straight-as-an-arrow soldiers to suddenly go gay crazy, start blowing one another, only to get their limbs blown off and turn the entire United States Armed Forces into a bunch of limbless sissies, who’d probably be waving not mighty, beautiful red, white, and blue stars ‘n stripes, but hideous rainbow and pink triangle flags.

If only they still had their arms.

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