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How The Hell Did Mike Huckabee Not Win Past Iowa?

Former double bacon cheeseburger loving Arkansas governor and messenger of God Mike Huckabee knows a few things about logic and good taste. (Especially the latter, because, trust me, you don’t get to be 300 lbs without it).

Which is why it comes as a total shock that he would defy both of them on his radio show, The Huckabee Report, by accusing those awful Democrats of trying to use Kennedy’s death to rally support for the President’s terribly socialist health care reform package. The nerve!

“Senator Ted Kennedy’s death had barely hit the news before we started hearing calls that Congress must hurry and pass a health care reform bill and do it in his memory,” he said. “That not only defies good taste, it defies logic.”

Sure does Huck! We haven’t even rolled his old bones into the ground yet and already the Dems are selfishly trying to use the memory of a man whose life work was dedicated to reforming health care as one more reason to actually pass health care reform.

“We certainly can and should respect his years of advocacy and work for things that he truly believed in,” he added. “But easily the worst reason to do it is in the name of someone who gave us the most shining example of why this particular bill is so bad.”

Wait, what the Huck did he just say?

“[I]t was President Obama himself who suggested that seniors who don’t have as long to live might want to consider just taking a pain pill instead of getting an expensive operation to cure them,” Huckabee said. “Yet when Sen. Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 77, did he give up on life and go home to take pain pills and die? Of course not. He freely did what most of us would do. He choose an expensive operation and painful follow up treatments.”

You hear that people? He did exactly what “most of us” Americans who are as rich as Kennedy would do: paid for the bestest, most expensivest treatment available. That’s one of the advantages of being a Kennedy, you have so much money, you don’t need to “go home to take pain pills and die” like you would under NObama’s plan. You get options.

Using this airtight logic, Huck has come up with a few ideas of his own for solving the whole health care crisis the Dems keep squawking about.

“A better way to honor Ted Kennedy would be if every American has access to the latest private health care as good as what senators receive.”

That’s a brilliant idea and will work perfectly too, because what American isn’t as rich Ted Kennedy or Mike Huckabee for that matter?

Problem solved. But for those few povs out there (unlike the rest of us Kennedys and Huckabees), there’s always the old-fashioned, 1-2-3 punch to cure disease: the All-American alcohol-pills-gunshot-to-the-head combo!

3 comments to How The Hell Did Mike Huckabee Not Win Past Iowa?

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