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GOP 2012: Back To The Future

Some Enlightened CPAC Slogans


No
Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) would be complete without its annual straw poll to see which Republican candidate is the early favorite to lose 2012’s presidential race against Democratic demon child Barack Hussein Obama.

For the third straight year, the lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) CPAC poll winner was none other than former governor of the godless gay marriage state of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney.

Which doesn’t mean a whole lot considering Romney also won the poll in 2007 and 2008, only to eventually lose the presidential nomination to John McCain who placed fifth. Expect maybe good news for this year’s illustrious fifth place winner Newt Gingrich, if the former House speaker had any plans to run in 2012.

So barring Ronald Reagan’s miraculous resurrection, looks like the GOP presidential field is wide open.

Thankfully there’s still four years before the elections, because it’s gonna take a while to sort through this list of winners. With rock stars candidates like these, the GOP should be a lock in 2012. Ha ha Barry won’t stand a chance.

The Breakdown:

  • Mitt Romney – 20 percent (Another meaningless win for the hot Mormon)
  • Bobby Jindal – 14 percent (This even after his stunningly bad Mr. Rogers speech. Impressive)
  • Ron Paul -13 percent (Not a chance in hell for this maverick)
  • Sarah Palin – 13 percent (You betcha’ she didn’t need to show up!)
  • Newt Gingrich -10 percent (Thanks, but no thanks)
  • Mike Huckabee – 7 percent (Still here, still not going anywhere. ‘Cept getting weirder)
  • Mark Sanford – 4 percent (Who?)
  • Rudy Guiliani – 3 percent (9/11!!!!)
  • Tim Pawlenty – 2 percent (Who?)
  • Charlie Crist – 1 percent (Called Obama’s favorite Republican, the kiss of death)
  • Undecided – 9 percent (Aka Joe The Plumber
Will The Next Ronald Reagan Please Stand Up?

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