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Crazy Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning Throws A Curveball At Helping Poor, Struggling Americans


See this sweet face?

Well, get to know it my friends, because this scrumptious mug belongs to none other than insane electoral aberration, Kentucky’s very own illiterate contribution to society, Senator Jim Bunning, who likely just cost your broke, out-of-work ass any and all health and unemployment benefits heading your way. Yay!

Yes, thanks to this pillar of the Senate community’s wise decision to single-handedly block a bill extending expiring unemployment benefits and health care payments to jobless Americans, your already miserable, pathetic existence just got even more unbearable. Three cheers for Jimbo!

Under whatever obscure, soul-crushing, nation-destroying Senate rule our beloved minority party discovered while collectively losing their minds over a socialist black president named Barry, a deranged one-man trainwreck like Sen. Jim Bunning can indeed derail an entire legislative body’s ability to function, all because rich white people like him are infinitely superior than dumb povs like you and I.

But what’s fueling this distinguished gentleman from the magical land of fried chicken and $1,000 mint juleps’ one-man quest to screw over everything and anything, particularly those with pulses but not jobs?

It’s “just awful,” Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va.) said. “You’ve got to be pretty mad about something to stop the extension of unemployment insurance.”

Or you could just be that one weirdo former Hall of Fame pitcher who somehow duped the good people of Kentucky into believing that his ability to paint the outside corner with a 95 mph heater for the Phillies somehow makes him qualified to throw filibusters as a fringe member of the world’s greatest deliberative body.

You know, the same beloved mental giant who looooves taking his anger and frustration out on America’s poor, unemployed population because the meany Democrats ambushed him, and forced him to actually explain his objection to extending aid and benefits to said jobless men and woman, thus causing Mr. Bunning to miss his precious Kentucky-South Carolina basketball game. The selfish bastards!

Okay, okay, so ol’ Jim Bunning isn’t winning any senate congeniality awards–and is largely considered “one of the more eccentric members of the Senate, who doesn’t mingle much with his colleagues, can be gruff, rarely talks to the press,” and in his exchanges with Democrats, refers to President Barack Obama as “your president.”

He doesn’t do the whole “black president” thing.

In fact, Bunning is such a pariah that even the Republican leaders in his own Grand Old Party of a**holes can’t stand the sight of him, and are forcing the old coot to retire this year rather than run for re-election.

“Just when we thought they couldn’t sink any lower, Republican obstructionists are now using Americans who have lost their jobs to make a political point,” said Brad Woodhouse, spokesman for the Democratic National Committee. “Shameful.”

The Senate’s No. 2 ranking Democrat, Richard Durbin of Illinois, tried to get Bunning to finally agree to stop denying aid to tens of thousands of Americans struggling to make ends meet, even reading letters from Kentucky residents in a desperate attempt to thaw his ice-cold heart.

“I just don’t think one senator ought to be able to heap this kind of suffering and misfortune on people who are already struggling in this economy,” Senator Durbin said. “This is a wild pitch you are throwing tonight because it is pitch that is hitting somebody in the stands.”

Awww snap, hit him where it hurts, Dick!

Senator Claire McCaskill also blasted Bunning, saying his obstruction proved how far removed some lawmakers were from the plight of out-of-work Americans.

“It is easy to get out of touch around this place,” Sen. McCaskill said. “People open doors for you and bow and scrape. It’s really easy to forget what people are going through, what families are feeling right now. And really, 30 days of unemployment insurance – have we gotten to the point that that’s going to be a political football?”

Don’t be ridiculous! We’re talking baseball references here, Claire!

Either way, all appeals to reason and decency were lost upon the good man from Kentucky, whose simple two-word response, “Tough sh*t” pretty much said it all. That and the fact he is not seeking re-election in November due to a lack of basic sanity requirements and financial support because it’s hard to raise money when you’re a miserable bastard who no one likes.

“I’m trying to make a point to the people of the United States,” Bunning said.

Never elect racist, 78-year-old washed up Major League lunatics from states whose biggest claim to fame is widespread obesity and rampant heart disease courtesy of Colonel Sanders secret spice.

2 comments to Crazy Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning Throws A Curveball At Helping Poor, Struggling Americans

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