Categories

Archives

DEMOCRALYPSE 2012: DID OBAMA WIN THE ELECTION?? YES HE DID!

OMG, IT”S HERE!

The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.

ELECTION DAY!

So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

Let's Do The Time Warp Again: President Obama Evolves Back To 1996, Now Supports Marriage For All (Even Gays!!)

Woohoo! Congratulations, Gays and Gayettes! President Barack Obama Glama has finally come out of the closet on his very controversial belief that gay men and women should have the same marriage rights as Kim Kardashian and that one tall goofy looking fellow on Jay-Z’s team, Kris Humptydumpty or whatever.

Thus, President Obama’s evolution back […]

"It Was A Dark And Stormy (Election) Night..."

Gather ‘Round Children, It’s Democrat Scary Story Time!

“When suddenly the most hideous, deformed, terrifying, socially backwards monster-in-a-sweater-vest appeared out of the abyss (of rural Pennsylvania) to STEAL THE ELECTION and terrorize the nation’s fashion sense.  And no woman’s sex organ is safe from THE CLAW! AAAAAGGGHHHH!”

Where the Wild Things Are? In Rick Santorum’s […]

With Dreams Of The White House Fading Fast, Michele Bachmann Will Take Her One-Woman Circus Act To A Much More Appropriate Place: The Nut House

After months of deep-throating various meats-on-sticks and confusing serial killer clowns (John Wayne Gacy) with lady-killer movie stars (John Wayne), America’s favorite blue-eyed basket case of the Midwest Michele Bachmann officially announced she is ending her presidential campaign to honor fellow faux grrrrrl power quitter extraordinaire Sarah Palin focus on her real job, crusading against […]

Obama Administration Announces Global Quest To Save Gay People; Rick Perry Denounces It In Personal Quest To Save Himself From Seeming Like A Good Person

Normal, sane folk who don’t convulse uncontrollably at the idea of actually making dare I say, progress in the treatment of fellow human beings, felt an overwhelming sense of pride as Barack Obama announced that the United States “would use all the tools of American diplomacy, including the potent enticement of foreign aid, to promote […]

President Barack Obama Becomes The Newest Politician To Tweet His Private Thoughts, Hopefully Not His Private Parts

Barack Obama, aka Barry from the block (Pennsylvania Ave, what what!) finally got around to installing the Twitter application on his Blackberry, probably now that the rest of the dorks in Congress have taken a collective, much needed break from incessantly tweeting fuzzy pics of their genitalia and other wonderful congressional delights in 140 characters […]

Osama Bin Laden Sleeps With The Fishes Thanks To Badass Barry & His Mysterious Ability To Not Be A Total Failure Like The Last Cowboy-In-Chief

Woohoo America, Osama bin Laden is finally as dead as Donald Trump’s chances of ever being hired as anything but a bad reality teevee host, courtesy of an elitist red, white, and blue, Obama-approved bullet to the brain by U.S. special forces during a firefight at his secret mansion/military compound in Pakistan. REALLY, GUY!? A […]

Remember When Hope & Change Meant Something Other Than Rope & Hang? Haha, Neither Does Obama!

Remember that tall, dark, and handsome man sweet talking America into falling head over heels for his sexy smile, chocolatey smooth leadership style, and unique ability to formulate complete sentences without the the aid of a teleprompter or Dick Cheney grunting in his ear?

You know, the “hopey changey” one who was gonna restore honor and […]

Fox News Knows The First Step In Solving The Crisis In Egypt Is Accurately Knowing Where It Is Located On A Map, Or Just Shoving It In The Spot Formerly Known As Iraq

Did the 60-year military dictatorship in Egypt end while you wasted away your weekend drinking Four Loko in the desperate hopes that enough carbonated toxic liquid would help make either of the not one, but two miserable All-Star snoozefests on the boob tube at least mildly entertaining, if not outright depressing?

Eh, no not yet. Still-President […]

The State Of The Union Is Strong Like...Smoked Salmon & Adult-Onset Diabetes!

Oooh, America, the excitement is in the air! Or maybe it’s just the toxic greenhouse gases slowly asphyxiating Mother Earth now that the Obama Administration up and fired (finally!) its only real environmentalist, fierce tree-hugging hippie, now former White House energy adviser, Carol M. Browner, because who the hell needs a planet anyway?

Certainly not America, […]