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American Police Force: For All Your Sketchy, Private Security Needs!

What do you get when you cross a terrifying, quasi-legal private security company with a fancy, unused public jail in some bumblef**k town in Montana?

Give up? Why, it’s Hardin, Montana’s American Police Force of course! For all your taking over empty jails in the middle of nowhere for mysterious reasons needs!

But that’s not all. For […]

Sen. Coburn’s Chief Of Staff: Playboy Will Make You A Gay!

Whoever said the Republicans were out of ideas, obviously never met Sen. Tom Coburn’s delightful chief-of-staff Michael Schwartz whose bold, groundbreaking solutions for curing homosinuality sent shock waves through this weekend’s Values Voters Summit.

Of course everyone knows the evils of homosexuality, but what you probably don’t know is that pornography is directly linked to contracting […]

President Obama Offers To Guide Gov. David Paterson Out The Door

Ummm, this is gonna be awkward. No one likes being the bearer of bad news–especially when it involves telling a black, legally-blind Democratic friend to kindly withdraw from New York’s governor’s race on the basis of being less popular than swine flu and Eliot Spitzer combined. Quite a feat!It is highly unusual for a sitting […]

Rod Blagojevich Unleashes The Page-Turning Truth On America!

OMG, this is the moment all of America–no, make that all of the world–has been waiting for! The truth about about what really happened to Illinois’ most stylish lego-haired crime boss governor: straight from the source himself. So you know it’s all true!

The new, “tell-all” (if the insane rantings of one deranged man qualifies as […]

Bush The Elder Just Says No To Kennedy’s Boring Funeral

George H.W. Bush, the spry 85-year old oil baron father of freedom-fighting cowboy Dubya, may have enough youthful energy to skydive out of plane some 20,000 ft in the sky each year on his birthday, but apparently does not have the stamina to attend Sen. Ted Kennedy’s funeral, even though every other living president will […]

Will The Red Window Help Elizabeth Edwards Shut The Door On The Nightmare That Is Her Life?

While her whole life goes to hell because of her scumsucking hubby John, his homewrecking whore of an ex-girlfriend Rielle Hunter and the mysterious love child that may or may not be part Edwards, poor old Elizabeth Edwards figured what better way to distract herself from the unrelenting media circus that is her life than […]

Obama Declares Jihad On America By Wishing Muslims A Happy Ramadan

Oh no Barry, anything but this! Please tell me you did not make a videotape offering “best wishes to Muslims in America and around the world and wishing them ‘Ramadan Kareem’ on behalf of the American people.”

The last thing you’re supposed to do as President of America is give people more reason to believe you’re […]

All Bark, No Bite? Obama’s Presence Enough To Muzzle Town Hall Crazies

Death squad commander-in-chief Barack Obama cares about health care SO much, he’s even willing to take on crazed, pitchfork-wielding mobs just to prove to the American people that, contrary to what wise scholars like Sarah Palin say, universal health care does not spell an automatic death sentence for Gramps or baby Trig.

Dear leader Barry Obama […]

Aw Snap! Hillary Lets World Know Which Clinton Wears The Pants Now

Poor old Hillary Clinton just cannot get a break. First her limelight-hogging husband Bill swoops in to rescue those two lady journalists from the bad Korea and become a world-wide hero, while Madam Secretary sat alone on the sidelines with no one but Al Gore to comfort her.

Now, Hillary travels all the way to Africa, […]

The Tsunami That Is Mark Sanford’s Life

When it rains it pours. Unless you’re Mark Sanford of course, in which case, it’s a tsunami.

It wasn’t enough to just get caught with his Argentinean mistress while he was supposed to be roughing it in the Appalachian wilderness or having his wife announce she’s leaving him shortly after their two-week European jaunt to repair […]