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Dick Cheney Doesn't Need Some Stupid Pulse To Continue Living, You Mortal Fools!

Two-time vice-presidential dark lord of the underworld Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. Tragic, but true!

Sadly, the beloved 69-year-old white-haired hero of Iraq/Waterboarding/Enron/Katrina, five-time heart attack survivor, and grandfather to all, Dick Cheney now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump —implanted in his chest with […]

Rielle Goes Huntin’ For Respect, Sans Pants, Amid Stuffed Kermit And Barney Dolls

Wholesome, American-as-apple-pie, love bunnies Johnny Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s fairy tale romance of dull, cancer-stricken wives, reckless infidelity, unchecked hubris, mass delusions, unbridled lust, wild, sex-filled romps, and one surprise li’l bundle of joy by the name of Quinn is now available for your voyeuristic pleasure, courtesy of Rielle Hunter’s classy yet sexy new interview […]

And The Academy Award For Best Conservative Actor Goes To...Sen. John McCain!

On this wondrous night of a thousand stars, when the most important people on the face of the Earth grudgingly agree to drape millions of designer dollars on their ears, wrists, and necks, while making their fabulous red carpet stroll to show the rest of the uglies in the world how much more beautiful, rich, […]

Like A Fine Wine, Rick Perry’s Complex Nutty Tones Ripen With Age

Texas Two-Step: Right, Righter, Rightest

Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the level of insanity in this year’s GOP primary, with incumbent Governor and current beautifully-coiffed captain of the runaway Republican crazy train Rick Perry locked in a bloody battle against boring, old, Socialist health care lovin’ Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson and surprise, new spicy teabag […]

Friendly Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning Does Not Share Elevators With Freak Journalists

Legendary Kentucky-fried anger ball and ruthless pariah, Sen. Jim Bunning took his furious, red-faced jihad against poor people to the Hart Senate Office Building where he showed all the poise and tact of a rogue hippopotamus under duress when asked a simple question about his own rogue, one-man crusade against extending unemployment benefits to poor, […]

When a Certain Rush Hits The Floor, Ladies Gush and Shriek For More!

Everyone knows the ladies looooooove hunky host of hate radio Rush Hudson Limbaugh III. They simply go Gaga for him! And not just that weird, naked crackhead Lady with the boa and feathers wrapped around her p-p-p-p-poker face. All of ’em!

Which is why it comes as no surprise that the dapper king of loyal white […]

The (Heart) Beat Goes On: Rush Limbaugh! The Musical Hits the Stage Jan. 31

Remember last month when Rush Limbaugh had the whole nation in a tizzy, praying and holding candlelight vigils in the hopes that Jesus would swoop down from the heavens and help nurse their dear leader back from obesity and drug related heart problems so he can continue spewing racist, hate-filled rants as the undisputed king […]

Cindy McCain Shows Her Support For Gays, Tries To Kill Husband In The Process

Much like hubby John and sassy daughter Megs, maverick blood courses thick through Cindy McCain’s once pill-addled veins.

Sometimes, this rogue gene manifests itself on the campaign trail in the form of profanity-laced tirades directed at her dear old husband for “ruining her life” and forcing her into the smooth, chiseled, youthful arms of another with […]

Pat Robertson Shows his Usual Compassion in Wake of Massive Natural Disaster

With Jerry Falwell’s old bones resting comfortably in eternal hellfire, the world looks to that other, still-living fundamental Christian lunatic for peace and comfort during these trying times.

Naturally, Pat Robertson was there to lead the way, much like he does whenever a massive natural disaster ravages the Earth, killing or injuring hundreds of thousands of […]

Delta: You’ll Love the Way We Fly…and Thwart Terrorists

Busy year for Delta. They buy Northwest airlines and then almost get blown to bits, Richard Reid style, by some crazed Nigerian trying his very bestest to impress the Al Qaeda recruiters he’s just positive have been checking out his mad terror skills.

Fortunately for everyone aboard Northwest flight 253 en route from Amsterdam to Detroit, […]