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Exercise The (Oil) Demons, Bobby! Yeeeeehaaaaww America! The moment you’ve been waiting, hoping, and praying for your entire life has finally arrived, and just in the nick of time! In case somethin’ disastrous happens, like say, demonic blobs of British Petroleum ooze up from the shores and burst through your quiet, neighborhood church in Louisiana, threatening [...] Well done, South Carolina, well done! You have surpassed even the lowest, most pathetic expectations to solidify a sullied hallowed place in South Carolina’s great political hall of shame. This is no small feat! Especially in good ol’ South Carolina, where Republican governors hike Appalachian Trails to wild extra-marital sex with hot Argentine mistresses, sexy Republican [...] Over the weekend, obese, greasy-haired, middle-aged white men, Ben Franklin-dressed human bags o’ caffeinated herbs ‘n spice, and assorted other ‘Jesus Saves’ t-shirt wearing, toothless patriots of freedom descended on glorious Aryanzona to show support for the state’s new Nazi immigration law, SB-1070, prohibiting brown people from sullying their beautiful parched landscape, by even so [...] Welcome to the Lone Star state, where everything is bigger, badder, and likely, beer-battered and deep fried, including the impressionable young brains of the good ol’ boys and gals in Texas’ already stellar public school system. That’s right, folks! Thanks to a 9-5 vote by the Republican-dominated Texas State Board of Education, the new, [...] Welcome, America to the newest member of the Wild, Wild West, everyone’s favorite Mexican’ hatin’, trashy wasteland of parched desert, crumbling business, and misguided legislation, the lighter, purer, swastika peppered land of Aryanzona! Yay! But just in case you’re one of those hoity-toity, arugula eating liberals who just hates it when dumb, sparsely [...] America’s lovely parched desert landscape of cacti and Gila monsters (no, not that otherworldly beast pictured above), plus plentiful racist, Mexican-hating wingnuts have helped make Arizona the majestic, Big-Government dependent, scorched used tire outlet, we Americans, know and love so well. Throw in that confused old man who blessed the public with some lipstick wearing maverick [...] State Senator Doug Jackson is a smart man. He knows how important the right to keep and bear arms is. It’s as American as apple pie! But what’s even more American is the right to carry concealed weapons into bars and restaurants, thanks to the hard work of national hero Tennessee state senator Doug Jackson, [...] Watch out heteros, America is going to hell and quick! In case you missed the rainbow parade, the nation’s moral freefall into homosinuality quickened Wednesday night when Democratic (duh) Governor John Lynch signed legislation legalizing gay marriage in New Hampshire (gasp!). So thanks New Hampshire for arriving fashionably late to the same-sex party already attended by [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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