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Rejoice America because John McCain’s deranged, one-man stinky rotten loser, raging bull destroy-Obama crusade to keep awful gay and lesbian soldiers from admitting they’re in fact awful gay and lesbian soldiers is now as dead as the old man’s last remaining neurons and synapses.
Thanks to the tireless efforts of the usually insufferable but occasionally decent, [...]
ANSWER: NONE OF THE ABOVE!
Gay soldiers don’t die, silly, they simply deny!
This just in: President Obama is too pussy to end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, a policy he thinks is morally reprehensible, constitutionally illegal, and a mockery of justice and equality, but is simply too in love with to be able to quit anyway.
Ummm, hooray??
So, [...]
Oooh, Something Tells Me Things Are Gonna Be Different Now!
Unlike in hideous, Constitutional abiding, Democratic America, over in the bad Korea, they know how to do politics the right way: no voting, no campaigns, no food for the people, no contact with the outside world, no freedom whatsoever, no money for anyone except Dear Leader, [...]
OMG! Guess what little gay and lezzy monsters across America?? Your little “rights” struggles are over! Done, dunzo, finito, Ga-Ga-gonzo!
Oh, wait never mind, you’re all still totally screwed, despite Lady Gaga donning a hotttt meat dress, and p-p-p-poking her face all around Maine, trying to convince the last two “moderate” (aka not completely insane) Senator [...]
I’m sure by now you’ve heard about that crazy guy James Lee who was maybe strapped with a bomb, but most definitely armed with a gun when he stormed the Discovery Channel(!?) headquarters in Maryland and took three people hostage before being shot and killed by police, who rescued the baffled, frightened Discovery employees, suddenly [...]
OMG, presidential teevee star and A-list celeb B. Hussein Obama is back on the boob tube and in America’s hearts and homes, making just the second Oval Office address of his presidency (which is one more than his appearances on The View!) to talk about some Very Important Subject (other than his sketchy origins), like [...]
What do you do when some filthy criminal (Black/Liberal/Jew/Mexican/etc) breaks into your house and tries to steal all your God-given guns, Glenn Beck approved gold coins ‘n other precious stuff??
Why, you pick up one of your 99 trusty shotguns decoratively adorning various shelves and cabinets around the house. Then you shoot that trespassing motherf**ker full [...]
To most average Americans, or at least those of us still blessed with a full set of teeth and the ability to formulate a single coherent English sentence without the words “sp*cs” or “n*ggers,” Arizona’s awesome, new ¡Adiós Amigos! law stemming the tide of gross border jumping beans streaming into the good ol’ US of [...]
Ooooooh, spies! And not just any old spies but real, live scary-sexy RUSSIAN SPIES right here in the American-as-apple-pie posh neighborhoods of the elitist, arugula-eating Northeast.
Soviet comrades turned latte-sippin’ professional yuppies in American suburbia. Welcome to the new Desperate Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Virginia, and Massachusetts, Ruski Spy Edition!
An F.B.I. investigation that began [...]
Oh no-zees! Did you hear the wild, earth-shattering news broken by that liberal elitist rag for hippie-dippie stoners and druggie rockstars, Rolling Stone?
No, no not what Lady Gaga wasn’t wearing under her latest hideous ensemble that fashion experts are calling some sort of “dress.”
The one about that psychotic commanding officer of all U.S. troops in Afghanistan, [...]
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Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.
