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The Fighter In Herman Cain Wants To Keep Running For President, But The Lover In Him Has Forced His Premature Evacuation

Horny Godfather of grabassery Herman No He Cain’t has gone and done the unthinkable. No, no, not shove another unsuspecting woman’s head into his crotch or offer financial assistance to a dear “friend” by secretly putting his penis into her vagina at various hotels around the country. The other unthinkable thing, effectively ending his hilarious […]

Holy Twit! Kansas High School Student Won't Apologize For Saying Gov. Sam Brownback Sucks Harder Than A Topeka Twister

War of the Words (in 150 or less): Brownback v. Sullivan

Thin-skinned crybaby Kansas governor of creationism and trolling Twitter feeds for meany comments by teenage girls, Sam Brownback, has decided to stop harassing 18-year-old high school students and start slashing arts education and civil rights for gays like the wise, compassionate Republican statesman he is.

Which […]

Hey Ladies, Want A Job? Herman Cain's Got A Stimulus Package Designed Just For You!

Ah, remember the good old days when the conveniently vague, creepy sexual harassment accusations against everyone’s favorite Black Walnut/Godfather of unwanted sexual advances Herman Cain were kept secret from the innocent, tender ears of the American people, so as to spare us the sordid details of all the gross sexytime things Herman Cain likes to […]

It's Halloween In (Corporate) America! Do You Have Your Homeless Person Costume Yet?

When you think of the perfect Halloween costume, usually the first thing that comes to mind is something that really captures the terrifying reality and unimaginable desperation of homeless people, with no food to eat, clothes to wear, or even a roof over their heads. Because, seriously, what makes you want to dive into a […]

Racist College Republican Bake Sale Proves That When It Comes To The GOP, Racism Is Black & White (Cookies)

UC Berkeley College Republicans (yes, apparently, they do exist!) are all hot ‘n bothered about a terrible (Socialist?) new affirmative action law by hippie-dippie California governor Jerry Brown that would allow state universities to consider race, gender, ethnicity and national origin in admission applications.

Oh the humanity!

Because everyone (aka 20-something white Republican males) knows affirmative action […]

The Great American Scheme: Send Sarah Money To See Sarah Run!

No one, I mean no one, knows how to make a killing from doing nothing quite like grifter-quitter-grandma extraordinaire Sarah Palin. Hell, it’s not her fault, she was born that way!

And being the kind of psycho, narcissistic, fame whore who thinks she’s entitled to moose piles of money for ridin’ around the county yellin’ crazy […]

What Do You Call 11,062 Square Feet Of Unparalleled Mormon Luxury? Mitt Romney's Big Love Shack!

OMG, did you hear the terrible, Earth-shattering news? No, no not that Slick Rick Perry has entered the Presidential race in a noble attempt to destroy restore America to its wonderful Antebellum glory. Something far, far more sinister!

President Barack Obama has just embarked on his third consecutive annual family vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, in August, […]

Mitt Romney Knows Corporations Are People Too, Which Is Why He Is Officially Registered As A Limited Liability Person

In these trying economic times when money is scarce, jobs even scarcer, and rational behavior crushed and ground into deliciously nutty human tea bags, where o where will we find a presidential candidate fearless enough to stand up for the rights of the biggest victims of all, the poor, sad, helpless, mega-corporations?

Look no further than […]

Master Of Delusion Newt Gingrich Buys Fake Twitter Followers To Go Along With Everything Else In His Life

OMG, LOLZ. White-haired swamp creature and master of the Twittervirse Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign may be on life support, but unlike his first wife, that doesn’t mean ol’ Newt’s going to leave it to die, cold and alone, on a hospital bed.

Sure, his campaign is over $1 million in debt, the perpetual butt of all […]

Michele Bachmann Signs "Marriage Pledge" To Stay Away From Porn, Gays & Revert To The Good Ol' Days Of Slavery

Aspiring Insane-Person-in-Chief and tragic illiteracy victim Michele Bachmann will not sign dumb, 1000+ page bills helping stupid poor people (or pesky sick kids) get health care, mostly because she’s too busy channeling her lovely kindred spirit serial killing clown John Wayne Gacy and also because anything over three pages double spaced 16-point font makes […]