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NRA President David Keene Would Feel Much Safer If President Obama Would Shoot Off His Guns Instead Of His Mouth

David Keene, the unhinged leader of the National Rifle Association not named Wayne LaPierre, knows that guns don’t kill people, meany black presidents kill people.

Just listen to all the carnage President King Obama nearly caused Keene and his family by letting his loose lips, instead of high capacity clips, shoot wildly all over place.

Via Think […]

How Randy! Rand Paul's Drunk Teenage Son Arrested For Loving Freedom (And Airplane-Size Bottles Of Bourbon)

Guess what, America? While you were wasting your weekend drinking overpriced, oddly-named craft beer in actual eating establishments, 19-year-old fellow oddly-named son of Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and grandson of Libertarian Jesus Ron Paul, “William Hilton Paul” wasted no time ingratiating himself into our hearts by getting wasted–and arrested–aboard a U.S. Airways flight from Kentucky […]

The Spy Who Shagged Me: General Petraeus Taken Out By Bizarre Love Triangle Not Bullets

Another day, another hot steamy CIA sexytime affair threatening to bring down more and more of the military’s brightest minds and busiest loins with each passing, sexually harassing, medal-and-misogynist-filled moment.

By now, I’m sure you all know about David Petraeus, the retired four-star general and (now former) director of the CIA, who made the terrible mistake […]

Money Talks: In Mitt Romney's Case It Also Offends

Oh Mittens! He’s just like you, America, except that he grew up the privileged son of a Governor and went to elitist east coast prep schools followed by elitist east coast Ivy League universities where he met all kinds of powerful people who could help him amass the kind of ungodly wealth that makes car […]

Big Head Tom & The (UN) Monsters In Lubbock County, Texas

Every Republican worth their weight in Texas T-Bones knows there is never, ever, EVER a reason to raise taxes on the good people of these United States of Jesus, so help them God.

Err, except one.

If for some reason that no-good, chocolatey-skinned NOBAMER feller were to win reelection, God forbid, and hand over the sovereignty of […]

What The Cluck, Huck? Mike Huckabee Gets Behind Chick-Fil-A's Anti-Gay CEO (But Not In A Gay Way)

If there’s one person who appreciates a fast food company that sticks to their butter-slathered buns when it comes to discrimination, it is former/current fat person Mike Huckabee.

It’s not just the delectably breaded, pickle-topped, fried chicken(ish) sandwiches or those deliciously greasy, salty waffle fries that’s got Huckabee Huckahooked, but the delectably batsh*t, homophobic ramblings of […]

Mitt Romney Is Too Busy Horsing Around To Bother With The Whole "Tax Return" Thing

Poor, misunderstood, possibly criminal Mittens! He and his dancing horse have hit a bit of a rough patch, and all the hoof-clicking and fancy four-legged prancing in the world (of horse ballet) may not be enough to keep this Mormon Stallion perched comfortably atop his High Horse.

Because, you see, Willard “Mitt” Romney may […]

Florida Republican Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll Couldn't Possibly Be A Lesbian Because She's Not Ugly, Single, Or Dressed In Cargo Pants & Flannel

It’s getting steamy in the Sunshine state—and it’s not just the rising mercury levels getting the good citizens all hot ‘n bothered.

No ma’am! (Or, in this case, more like wham bam thank you ma’am!).

Because the only thing sexier than a closeted Republican getting caught with his pants down is a closeted Republican getting […]

The White Stuff: Republicans In Pennsylvania Prove They Aren't Racist By Electing (Totally Not Racist) White Supremacist & Neo Nazi To GOP County Board

The absolutely, in-no-way-racist Republican Party in equally non-racist Luzerne County, Pennsylvania have decided to prove how awesomely non-racist they are by electing actual neo-Nazi and lifelong white supremacist Steve Smith (ha, no not that Steve Smith) to the county’s GOP Committee, thanks to the rabid support of the Teabaggers, who naturally also don’t have a […]

If A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, Then This Mitt Romney Classic Is Worth Even More Than He Is

“Vote For Me Or The Mormon Gets It!”
-Mittens 2012

Sidney Barthwell might be the most interesting man in the world you’ve never heard of. He doesn’t always drink beer, and when he does, he probably doesn’t even prefer Dos Equis.

He also doesn’t always discuss which fellow classmate and future famous presidential candidate he […]