Right-Wing | Democralypse Now - The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

Philip Rivers Lobs Endorsement At Rick Santorum, But Like Most Things He Throws, It Will Probably Get Intercepted

Via Big Swinging Chicks:

Still irrelevent San Diego Chargers’ QB and Satan gangledopper, Philip Rivers, has apparently taken a break from his usual shrieking at opposing teams’ sidelines and fumbling key, game-clinching snaps to throw his (wobbly, slightly-retarded looking, likely intercepted) ball into a different kind of arena: the political one. But sadly for Mr. Rivers, [...]

Andrew Breitbart Shocks The World By Pulling His Biggest Stunt Yet: Dropping Dead

Right wing internet provocateur or as Alec Baldwin so eloquently put it, “festering boil on the anus of public discourse,” Andrew Breitbart, has died in Los Angeles at age 43 “of natural causes.”

Which for a conservative typically means asphyxiating on a ball-gag in full latex body suit while strapped to a wall in a dank, [...]

Rick Santorum AKA Pope Pius XIII Wants To Vomit All Over America Because Of JFK

Insane person and frothy byproduct of anal sex Slick Rick Santorum is once again all hot ‘n bothered, but this time it isn’t even because of hoity-toity elitist college educations, horny teenagers grinding their privates against one another like sweaty savages, the legally sanctioned Holocaust of the unborn, or secret Muslim terrorist presidents who don’t [...]

Rick Santorum Has Intimate Knowledge Of Satan; Coincidentally, It's Also The Only Thing He's Intimate With

I’m sure by now you’ve probably heard some vague rumblings about the mysterious substance surging through the nation, oozing its frothy, God-fearing, Santorum-y essence across the vast, toxic, anal sex-ridden, pagan and homosexual wasteland that is OBAMA’S United States.

But just who is this frumpy Jesus freak in a sweater vest spreading the gooey missionary (style) [...]

No Way José! Crazed, Right-Wing, Immigrant-Hating Arizona Sheriff Is Almost As Good At Screwing Over Mexicans As He Is At Screwing Them

When you think of crazed, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriffs, normally the first thing that comes to mind is a crazed, gay, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriff who hates his own hideous homo self even more than the terrible Mexicans he’s always shrieking about, that he actually tries to deport his gay Mexican lover for the terrible [...]

Pete Hoekstra's Racist, Lie-Filled Ad Shows How To Lose An Election & Alienate Voters In 30 Seconds Or Less

Now, normally when a smug, disingenuous politician, like say, Rep. Pete Hoekstra of Michigan, releases a totally offensive, cartoonishly racist ad featuring an Asian lady riding a bicycle through Asian rice paddies and taunting Michiganers about how lazy and unemployed they are through stereotypical broken English, their popularity increases exponentially, usually as a misguided populist [...]

Newt Gingrich Would Like To Wish You A Happy Valentine's Day By Ruining It Completely

It’s Valentine’s Day and naturally there’s only one thing on everyone’s mind: What hot, romantic, sexytime plans does ladykiller Newt Gingrich have for his beautiful, cancer (and brain!)-free third wife Callista?

Will he shower her with lavish Tiffany diamonds he can’t afford? Will he feed her the finest chocolates from around the world? Haha, just kidding, [...]

Rick Santorum's Gift To The Jews Is A Holiday Wish From Jesus Christ

Leave it to sweater-vest rocking, missionary-sex crusading, Christ loving, gay-bashing Republican Rick Santorum to know just what the Jews of South Carolina (all six of them!) want to hear around Hanukkah time: A quote from Jesus Christ in the New Testament threatening people who don’t follow HIS word. Here’s looking at you, Jews!

Because nothing says [...]

Rick Santorum Is Frothing Mad That Equal Rights For All Applies To Weird, Scary (Tempting?) Homosexuals

Stripped away, really Rick? Stripped? No sexual connotation there.

Wait, what? Apparently, Rick “Google me at your own risk” Santorum confuses restoring rights with destroying rights. Or at least when it comes to gross gays and lezzies who Rick knows shouldn’t be allowed to get gross gay-married or do anything except get ridiculed, marginalized, and discriminated [...]

Louisiana Rep. John Fleming Shocked To Learn Onion's "Abortionplex" Story Is Fake; Rest Of Nation Shocked That Someone From Louisiana Can Actually Read

Wingnut Republican Representative from Louisiana John Fleming was soooooo busy bitching about feeding his apparently very hungry family on his slave wage of $6.3 million a year that he completely missed the not exactly subtle point that The Onion is a satirical publication, meaning it is a joke, not real, is fake, and is meant [...]