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New Totally Non-Racist Ohio Ad Kindly Asks Black People To Vote For Mitt Romney Because Abraham Lincoln Freed The Slaves, Duh!

Wassup black people? This one stock photo black guy with a booming voice and weird Mormon-ish look about him has a MAJOR REVELATION for you, black Americans living in Ohio.

Now take off your Beats by Dre Headphones and listen because this is important (unlike say, you people, in non-election years).

It is a BIG […]

Cindy McCain Would Feel Your Pain America, If She Wasn't Too Busy Feeling The Golden Warmth Of Sunny San Diego

Cindy of McCain fame, not to be confused with the equally destructive Sandy of Hurricane fame, took a break from her very important life rolling around in freshly minted $100 dollar bills to let the whole world know she is loving life right now…in sunny San Diego!

Hooray!

Not only is the sun shining and birds chirping, […]

President Obama Diagnoses Mitt Romney With "Romnesia," The Mysterious Disease That Causes Him To Forget His Own Positions

Dr. Barack H. Obama, MD has seen the symptoms – the backtracking & sidestepping, the flipping & flopping, the waffling and wavering – and is ready to diagnose rival Mitt Romney with what’s been ailing him.

Looks like Mr. “Severely Conservative” has a severe case of Romnesia, a condition he’s been suffering from all […]

Duck, Duck, Gay? Homeschooled Teen Girl Wisely Teaches World That Evolution Turns Gay People Into Ducks

Donald & Daffy Not Donald & Ronald!

Are you a good, Jesus-loving Christian who fears the heathen public school system will turn your once-innocent child into a raging homosexual liberal who believes in crazy things like science and history?

Yes? Then do we have the education solution for you, my friend! It’s called homeschooling and […]

Bye Bye Birdie: Fightin' Mitt Romney Brings His Knack For Firing People To Prime Time!

Well hellooooo America! In case you missed Wednesday night’s 90-minute tragicomedy, fear not my friend, because the Internets have got you covered!

And the winner is…you, America! For having the privilege of witnessing Jim Lehrer get emasculated by Mitt Romney, who will tell him when he’s done speaking, GOD DAMN IT!

“NO, I AM NOT DONE, JIM. […]

No Laughing Matter: Scott Brown's "Model" Justice Is All Of Them But Really Whoever People Like Best

Ah, the smell of manliness and money in the air can only mean one thing: debate time in Massachussets!

Get your abs chiseled, tomahawks chopping, racist Native American war-chants whooping, and get ready to watch Scott Brown show Elizabeth Warren a thing or two about why women are too stupid and weak to win […]

Money Talks: In Mitt Romney's Case It Also Offends

Oh Mittens! He’s just like you, America, except that he grew up the privileged son of a Governor and went to elitist east coast prep schools followed by elitist east coast Ivy League universities where he met all kinds of powerful people who could help him amass the kind of ungodly wealth that makes car […]

Dick Cheney Knows Barack Obama Caused 9/11 Because Of All The Warnings George W. Bush Ignored

Tuesday was the 11-year anniversary of Rudy Giuliani’s 9/11™ and America showed the world it WILL NEVER FORGET!

Except Dick Cheney, who already forgot he was Vice President when the 9/11 attacks happened, because in the 9/11 truth commission that is his mind, he knows George W. Bush kept America safe from terror always and forever, […]

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Except If You're Republican & Your Boyfriend Is A Cardboard Cutout Of Barack Obama

It is no secret that Republicans loooove to carry on fake conversations with inanimate objects pretending to be their #1 enemy Barack Hussein Obama. For one thing, they never talk back or flash a charming smile or even so much as a single cogent thought from their non-existent heads. Just the way Republicans […]

Hurricane Trump Roars Through Florida, Tells Rich Lady Arianna To Huff Off On Twitter

Comic book villain and talking hairpiece The Donald Trump took to the Twitternets to discuss the relative bangability of non-paying, celebrity sideboob blogmaster extraordinaire, Arianna Huffington.

And guess what, Arianna, you’re fired!

Except for beautiful wifeys #1 & #3, women with accents make him sicker than that Socialist negro NOBAMA in the White House.

Which is […]