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With Willard “Mittens” Romney having trouble connecting to the riff-raff and vagabonds not retroactively raking in nine-figure salaries here in America, his advisors figured why not let ol’ Mitt try his perfectly manicured, white-gloved hand with the fine blokes across the pond, in the one and only land of Mary Poppins and mincemeat, wee Londontowne. Naturally, […] Somewhere in America, a real flesh-based human being rolled out of bed, and decided today would be a good day to send out the following tweet: Elsewhere in America, specifically, a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, a deranged 24-year-old dressed in all black wearing a riot helmet, face mask, and bullet-proof vest burst into the midnight […]
It’s getting steamy in the Sunshine state—and it’s not just the rising mercury levels getting the good citizens all hot ‘n bothered. No ma’am! (Or, in this case, more like wham bam thank you ma’am!). Because the only thing sexier than a closeted Republican getting caught with his pants down is a closeted Republican getting […] Coyote-and-criminal-killing governor of drunken idiocy Texas, Rick Perry, is not about to stand back and watch while his fellow wingnut governors from equally awful, deadbeat states steal all his thunder by rejecting the big, bad gubmint’s evil plans to expand Medicaid and help insure millions of Texans without access to medical coverage. Aww, hell no! You […] Well, well, just who is this dapper old man who can melt a lady’s heart with a wink of an eye and confident flash of his pearly whites? Why, none other than distinguished Republican New York State Senator Marty Golden, a real swingin’ Daddy-O, congressional cool cat who knows just what them broads need to get […] Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the huge, swinging cojones of the Grand Old Party in Grand Old Texas. Hell, just look at their latest, greatest platform outlining the GOP’s brilliant (by Texas standards, retarded to everyone else) policies for 2012. Wait, or was it 1220? I can never remember! Middle Aged men, the Middle Ages, is there […]
Samuel “Joe The Plumber” Wurzelbacher may not be a plumber or even named Joe, but he’s not about to let silly things like facts or reality get in the way of his latest, greatest venture as the single most brilliant scholar to ever represent Ohio’s 9th District in the U.S. Congress (fingers crossed!). And […] While crazed, bath salt-riddled zombies are eating people’s faces and the sanctity of heterosexual marriage continues its apocalyptic death spiral into the scary gay abyss, some people are worried about silly, trivial things like oh, I don’t know, the ocean crashing through their living room and turning their houses into floating pieces of wood and […] The absolutely, in-no-way-racist Republican Party in equally non-racist Luzerne County, Pennsylvania have decided to prove how awesomely non-racist they are by electing actual neo-Nazi and lifelong white supremacist Steve Smith (ha, no not that Steve Smith) to the county’s GOP Committee, thanks to the rabid support of the Teabaggers, who naturally also don’t have a […] |
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