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Big Head Tom & The (UN) Monsters In Lubbock County, Texas

Every Republican worth their weight in Texas T-Bones knows there is never, ever, EVER a reason to raise taxes on the good people of these United States of Jesus, so help them God.

Err, except one.

If for some reason that no-good, chocolatey-skinned NOBAMER feller were to win reelection, God forbid, and hand over the sovereignty of […]

Mitt Romney Demands Barack Obama Immediately Suspend His Campaign Because America Deserves Better Than The Truth

OMG, people, did you hear the news? The terrible, no-good, Earth-shattering, game-changing news about Joe Biden saying the word “chains,” which is taboo because it is racist against Mitt Romney and also “divisive” “disgusting” and “not uplifitng,” three things Republicans know absolutely nothing about. Nothing!

Well, well Mittens isn’t going to take this insubordination sitting down. […]

Supreme Court Gives ObamaCare Life While Wingnuts Mourn America's Death & Threaten To Bring Their Idiocy To Canada

America? Are you still there? Or have your majestic, blue bald eagle tears turned COMMIE RED, and your beautiful, once gold-paved streets turned into the bleak, dusty ruble-lined hellscape of SOVIET RUSSIA, now that the Supreme Court has done the unthinkable and upheld Obama’s communist socialist maoist Kenyan anti-colonial health care plan to bring America […]

West Virginia Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin's Message To Fellow Dems Is The Same As The Rest Of The Nation's Message To West Virginia: Drop Dead

Whoa Easy Now Fellow, Not Too Close!

West Virginia Senator and closet Democrat Joe “Just Like The Plumber” Manchin would like nothing more than to let the good people of his Mountain ‘n Mesothelioma-wracked home state know that despite that dastardly (D) after his name and the fact that he caucuses with the Senate’s […]

Shitty Montana GOP Convention Ironically Features Fake Bullet-Ridden "Obama Library" Porta-Potty, Parades Of People With Shit-For-Brains

HAW HAW HAW! The good citizens comedians of Missoula know the only thing “funnier” (in a tragic Montana sort of way) than having a black illegal secret Muslim Socialist from Kenya as President are hilarious pre-school level poo poo and pee pee jokes about him.

At Saturday’s Republican Party convention in Missoula, Montana, a few convention-goers […]

Obama May Not Make The Ballot In Arizona Because Arizona Doesn't Need A Reason To Be The Dumb, Racist, Backwater Hellhole Everyone Is Embarrassed Of

“I See Brown People!”

Bored with their usual antics of deporting frightened Mexican and Mexican-ish looking people and denying ladies sluts access to baby murdering apparatus birth control (yawn!), the fine citizens of Aryanzona have turned their short, sun-scorched attention to another pressing matter: the true birth origins of a certain illegal Socialist, half-black, […]

Rand Paul Doesn't Think Obama's Views On Marriage Could Get Any Gayer, Much Like His Skin Color Couldn't Get Any Blacker

If there’s one thing America simply cannot get enough of, it is the rich, racist, radical Kentucky-fried-son-of-a-wingnut whose not-so-evolved views on homosexuality and civil rights make even his ancient cryptkeeper father, Papa Ron, seem normal by comparison.

Almost.

Good thing Rand Paul will do whatever it takes, blurt whatever comes out of his big, white power […]

Let's Do The Time Warp Again: President Obama Evolves Back To 1996, Now Supports Marriage For All (Even Gays!!)

Woohoo! Congratulations, Gays and Gayettes! President Barack Obama Glama has finally come out of the closet on his very controversial belief that gay men and women should have the same marriage rights as Kim Kardashian and that one tall goofy looking fellow on Jay-Z’s team, Kris Humptydumpty or whatever.

Thus, President Obama’s evolution back […]

When Not Killing Republicans' Presidential Dreams, Barack Obama Kills The Crowd At The White House Correspondents Dinner

Ooooh Kim Kardashian! Jimmy Kimmel! The cast of Glee! The great Arianna Huffington (re)Post! Hillary Clinton drunk texting from Cartagena! Birth certificate jokes! Ballrooms! Bow ties! The lamestream media! The lazy, no-good, do nothing (except destroy society) Congress!

Hooray! The gang’s all here! It’s the 2012 White House Correspondents Dinner/Nerd Prom where media celebrities, political celebrities, […]

Dick Cheney Speaks From The Heart, Now That He Finally Has One

Dick Cheney may finally have a heart, but you sure wouldn’t know it by listening to the man, the machine, the medical mutation known as former Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney.

He’s so excited about joining the rest of the human race in possessing an actual blood pumping organ made from muscle not […]