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Birthers Know Obama Probably Just Killed Bin Laden To Distract From The Birth Certificate Scandal In Their Heads

Okay, fine so President Barack Obama (if that is even his real name) managed to track down and kill that crazy, (man)-cave dwelling, bearded terrorist guy the U.S. has been desperately hunting for oh, I don’t know, only about the last decade or so. Well, whoopdedoo for him!

Just because NObama happened to accomplish what no other leader (certainly not that last idiot cowboy in the White House) could and successfully bring to justice (aka shoot in head/dump in the North Arabian Sea) America’s #1 most wanted terrorist, Osama bin Laden, while he was chilling in his own secluded suburban bachelor pad in Abbottabad, does not, I repeat does not, mean he is no longer a secret Muslim Socialist terrorist from Kendonesia, with nary a birth certificate/certificate of live birth to speak of.

Thank heavens, there’s a group among us who understands these things. No, no not the schizophrenic population at the local psych ward, silly! I’m talking about the Birthers, of course! You know, that blessed, patriotic segment of the population that simply knows beyond the shadow of a doubt–call it a hunch (or racism!)–that Barack Hussein Obama/Barry Soetero/the scary black(ish) man in the White House is not a real U.S. citizen, but rather the evil, main cog in the vast global Jihad conspiracy to destroy the white man, in the form of a Hawaiian born, charming, mild-mannered half-black constitutional law professor with a funny name on Chicago’s South Side.

Why else would he release his supposed birth certificate just days before announcing that 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden had been captured and killed, if not to dupe the dumb, unsuspecting public into forgetting all about his mysterious birth origins in the parched grasslands of deepest darkest Africa? For all we know, “Osama bin Laden” was nothing more than Sasha sitting atop Malia’s shoulders covered in a ketchup-stained tunic followed by a minute or two on Photoshop.

Besides, Birthers are a very creative peoples!

President Obama finally gave them the one thing they asked for, and to avoid just having to shut the f**k up, they simply refuse to accept it, instead.

Hooray!

The truth is easy to avoid when you use a little imagination!

Just look at some of the rational, patriotic, sensible, adult Tea Party reactions to the release of Obama’s birf certifkit. See kids, it’s easy to be a lunatic wingnut, if you just put your mind to it!

Ugh, doesn’t it just suck when facts hate your belief system??

Not that it matters anyway because no birth certificate in the world is gonna clear him of his greatest crime: presidenting while black.

And that’s a fact.

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