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Bachmann Palin Overdrive: "Take That, Liberals!"

Two of the leading conservative minds in the country, former half-term governor Sarah Palin and current full term nutjob Michele Bachmann, descended on the Land o’ Lakes to dazzle the crowds with their intellectual prowess, and remind America why two heads are better than one, especially when whatever they’re lacking in brains, is more than made up for by their two very large, lipsticked mouths.

And dazzle they did! Sarah with her daring fashion statement of wearing the entire Zales jewelry counter around her neck and wrists, and lovely Michelle with her equally stunning ability to morph into a walking, talking highlighter.

Together the two gal pals offered the thousands of adoring fans all the red meat, racist rhetoric, rah-rah rallying cries and rollicking good cheer, teabaggers just can’t get enough of!

Like how these two fiery femme fatales became fast friends–two peas in a pod, birds of a feather, a pair of matching bookends (if either of them actually knew how to read).

“She is so much one of us,” Bachmann said of Palin, “And as absolutely drop dead gorgeous this woman is on the outside, I’m here to testify that she is 20 times more beautiful on the inside.”

Oooh, la la la, more lesbian bondage from the right? Sounds like someone’s got what it takes to be a Young Eagle…

And Palin of course had nothing but the best to say about her sweet snow princess Michele in return.

“I knew that we’d be buddies when I met her when she said, ‘Drill here, drill now.’ And then I replied, ‘Drill, baby, drill’ and then we both said, ‘You betcha!'”

And then we both simultaneously tossed our hair all sexy like, gave our bestest, knowing winks, and blew on the red hot smokin’ pistols that were really our fingers, and promised we’d never ever use full sentences (without droppin’ letters) or speak coherent phrases like liberal elitists again!

And then everyone got a little dumber for having witnessed this.

“2010 is shaping up to be the year that conservative women stand up to take back the country,” Sarah exclaimed, before launching into the usual worshiping of Bachmann and assorted other nutballs without balls (aka lunatics with ovaries), whom she likened to the pink elephant in the GOP campaign.

“Someone had better tell Washington that that pink elephant is on the move, and Michele is leading the stampede,” Palin said.

Pssst: Those purple unicorns better watch out!

As is customary of the teabagging crowd, who just loooove to wear their unique brand of patriotism (racism?) on their sleeves, chest, and wherever else pins, slogans, and swastika patches go, many in the audience wore buttons with side-by-side images of their favoritest two females, Palin and Bachmann, exactly the creations God envisioned when he sprung Eve from Adam’s rib.

Betty Soban, an avid admirer of Bachmann’s, said, “My family left Germany because of Hitler and socialized medicine. I see it happening here.”

God damn Hitler and his murderous desire to insure all Germans with the best health care available, especially the Jews, Gypsies, queers, commies, intellectuals, disabled, and elderly who didn’t even need to worry about health care anymore, they were in such good hands.

Important to her, she said, are “freedom of ownership (‘cept over our uteruses), freedom of our guns, freedom of having babies.”

Like li’l angel and teenage hero Bristol Palin!

Of course, Bachmann wasted no time reminding the crowd all about her soothsaying abilities, proclaiming her dire warnings about NObama’s deviant plot all the way back in 2008.

“I said I had very serious concerns that Barack Obama had anti-American views, and now I look like Nostradamus.” In drag?

Or if he came back as a woman dressed as a fluorescent Sharpie.

“You better believe it, baby. Repeal is what this girl is going to be all about after November,” she said, channeling her Nostradamus like ability to predict that the midterm elections will sweep Republicans back in to power in the U.S. House. “We’re about repealing all of Obama-care.”

And sending that illegal Muslim terrorist back where he belongs, Kenya or Korea or whatever.

“Two years from now, Obama will be a one-term president,” Bachmann said, “because we are going to elect the boldest, strongest, most courageous, rock-ribbed, constitutional conservative president this country has ever seen.”

Reagen’s spirit as channeled through Nancy? Or better yet, Jesus as channeled through moi!

In an effort to combat any post Palin-Bachmann lovefest hysteria and/or congressional death threats, Democrats were quick to dismiss Barbie’s brunette hell twins as fringe lunatics nobody takes seriously anyway, saying “the outrageous lies” of Palin and Bachmann “have become the stuff of legend.”

Like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

And then the two legends went home, killed the delicious moose giving birth out back, tossed it on the griddle (cause that’s why God made meat!), and talked about their usual favorite topics: beautiful baby fetuses, the evil homosexual conspiracy, the thrill of a still-smokin’ shotgun, the myth that is climate change, and why Jesus chose them as his personal messengers here on Earth. In other words, had themselves a real American ladies night!

And sorry, Michael Steele, no Young Eagles allowed. Or big pimpin’ RNC Chairmen either.

1 comment to Bachmann Palin Overdrive: “Take That, Liberals!”

  • Full time nutjob is perfect! I genuinely appreciate your sarcasim. Imagine how we in MN felt as both nutjobs were in our fair state together. Of course security was not a challenge as who can throw an egg very far while bent over laughing?

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