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$arah Palin Knows BP's Oil Spill Can Only Be Blamed On..."Extreme Greenies" & Probably Those Stupid Marine Animals Too!

$arah Palin sure get’s it. But do you, America? Do you get it??

Because when patron St. $arah was leading thousands of morons chanting her favoritest slogans, “drill, baby drill” and “drill here, drill now,” what she really meant was that we should in no way, shape, or form, be doing exploratory offshore drilling, baby, exploratory offshore drilling because that’s dangerous, not to mention, not very kind to Mother Earth!

How could we have been so blind, baby blind??

You see, $arah knows all about the complexities, risks, and dangers of power drilling into the ocean floor, huntin’ for delicious petroleum, which is why she only discusses these weighty matters using very important tween social networking sites in 140 (ghostwritten) characters or less.

That way, her wildly irresponsible, brainless calls to destroy, baby destroy! protected wilderness reserves (you betcha!) or anywhere scores of marine animals congregate or fragile ecosystems exist, are safe from misinterpretation by the dumb masses who think her catchy slogans somehow imply that we should drill the bejesus out of any and everywhere for awesome, American oil!

This is soooooo not the case! As if our sweet $arah would ever utter meaningless, nuance-free phrases that allow her to take any stance she wants, in the extremely unlikely case that one of her brilliant ideas go terribly awry and who knows, maybe even spill, baby spill! gallons of savory oil up ‘n down America’s coast.

Not this maverick hockey mom lipstick wearin’ pig and resident expert in every subject like keepin’ an unwinkin’ eye on Russia from her front porch, how to lose an ecosystem in 10 days or less, and of course, how to turn a national catastrophe into a personal opportunity (cha-ching!) for her favoritest $arah!
Well, thank heavens we have someone like $arah to sift through the dead dolphins, greasy ooze, and lamestream media LIES to bring us, the unknowing public, the Palin-rific truth about drillin’ for oil in a fun, convenient Facebook post she didn’t even write.

From her Idiotbook Facebook:

“This is a message to extreme ‘environmentalists’ who hypocritically protest domestic energy production offshore and onshore. There is nothing “clean and green” about your efforts. Look, here’s the deal: when you lock up our land, you outsource jobs and opportunity away from America and into foreign countries that are making us beholden to them. Some of these countries don’t like America. Some of these countries don’t care for planet earth like we do – as evidenced by our stricter environmental standards.”

“With your nonsensical efforts to lock up safer drilling areas, all you’re doing is outsourcing energy development, which makes us more controlled by foreign countries, less safe, and less prosperous on a dirtier planet. Your hypocrisy is showing. You’re not preventing environmental hazards; you’re outsourcing them and making drilling more dangerous.”

“Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country’s energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It’s catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.”

“We need permission to drill in safer areas, including the uninhabited arctic land of ANWR. It takes just a tiny footprint – equivalent to the size of LA’s airport – to tap America’s rich and plentiful oil and gas up north. ANWR’s drilling footprint is like a postage stamp on a football field.”

In other words, like $arah’s tiny pea-sized brain in her vast, thick skull.

“Radical environmentalists: you are damaging the planet with your efforts to lock up safer drilling areas. There’s nothing clean and green about your misguided, nonsensical radicalism, and Americans are on to you as we question your true motives.” – Sarah Palin

You hear that hippie-dippie environmentalists?!? Miss Alaska is on to you and your dirty tricks to keep our national resources pristine, protected, and unspoiled by man’s destructive tendencies, and our precious coastlines free from the remains of unsightly oil-drenched pelicans too dumb to avoid the massive oil Tsunami when trying to get back to their wetlands nesting site to feed their babies. Lol, stupid birds!

Watch out, ’cause $arah’s on to you people! She knows you tree-hugging Greenpeace ‘save the whales’ types are the real ones to blame for this BP oil spillageddon, along with that Hitler-in-Chief Barack NObama, and his nonsense radicalism to cover every inch of the Earth with the sweet glistening sheen of millions of gallons of crude luxurious oil!

Why else would he agree to something as retarded (sorry, special needs) as drillin’, baby drillin’ like little Miss Wasilla is always tweetin’ and ‘bookin’ ’bout, if he didn’t have motives beyond keeping up with America’s insatiable appetite for wonderful, energy-filled, safe-as-$arah’s-email-password, methods of oil extraction?

Uh-oh, that $arah’s sure on to something. In fact, I think she knows too much!

Guess Obama will just have to go ahead with that secret contingency plan, ya know, the real reason he started spillin’, baby spillin’ in the first place: to plug the f**king leak with her instead!

Kill two thousand birds with one stone, errr, make that gem.

5 comments to $arah Palin Knows BP’s Oil Spill Can Only Be Blamed On…”Extreme Greenies” & Probably Those Stupid Marine Animals Too!

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