Nothing, I say, nothing says ‘heterosexual’ more than a bronzed man in a pink button down with his sleeves rolled up three-quarters, trying (*and failing) to light a box of “homosexual” Cheerios on fire to protest General Mills’ pro-marriage equality stance, which much like another man, he simply cannot get behind!
“One out of every eight boxes of cereal in this country is Cheerios. This is really the treat now for the homosexuals! And this is our protest of General Mills, because they’re advocating same-sex marriages. So we are gonna torch some cereal!”
Unfortunately, after torching the box of sexually deviant multigrains and pouring the flaming cereal bits into a bowl, Mr. Pink inadvertanly sets fire to the lawn of the company’s Golden Valley, Minnesota headquarters, claiming Minnesota’s top spot as the only self-respecting, heterosexual Republican more inept with a blow torch than Marcus Bachmann.
Suffice it to say, his own repressed (homo)sexuality isn’t the only thing the man struggles to extinguish!