Howdy, Ame-rik-A! Do you know what special day it is today? Why, it’s Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, when thousands of Real Americans everywhere (but mostly in Real America) waddle, plod, trudge, and motorscoot their supersized behinds to the nearest drive-thru window to stick it to the queers and stuff chicken sandwiches down their throats, for Jesus.
I know what you’re thinking, “isn’t everyday ‘I hate gay people Day’ in these places?”
Yes, but some more than others.
Let’s take a fascinating photo tour of this special, one-day, hate-on-a-plate chick-fil-A-palooza, courtesy of cable teevee’s biggest motherclucker Mike Huckabee and sponsored by the letter D, as in “Diabetes.”
Which, to phrase in a way its patrons understand, comes to roughly 1,320 Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips®.
Since “Brotherly Love” was clearly waaaaay too gay, Philly’s official new slogan is now “Eat Mor Cok.”
Longer, yes. But more importantly, does it seem straighter??
Om nom nom! Hating homos never tasted so good!
OMG, they “encountered” a drive-thru window! Good job, local news! Though next time, maybe take photos of something a little less common to the area, like say common sense, a functioning brain, or belly tucked smoothly into pants instead of fil-A-ping every which way like some chikin wit its hed kut awf.
Oooh, look a “We Buy Gold” shop and Chick-fil-A! What a blessed union! Now you can sell all your old heterosexual wedding rings and prevent gross gays from ever doing the same, all while enjoying the deliciously satisfying taste of sodium and saturated fat slathered between two buttery buns.
Mmmmm, tastes like Chikin!
Times may change, but at Chick-fil-A, our motto stays the same. “The bigot the better!” And it’s been that way for the last 45 years!