Categories

Archives

A Handy New How-To Wingnut Guide For When The Big Bad Government Comes For Your Innocent Guns

What do you do when some filthy criminal (Black/Liberal/Jew/Mexican/etc) breaks into your house and tries to steal all your God-given guns, Glenn Beck approved gold coins ‘n other precious stuff??

Why, you pick up one of your 99 trusty shotguns decoratively adorning various shelves and cabinets around the house. Then you shoot that trespassing motherf**ker full of lead until there’s nothing left but the Swiss cheese remains of their once live, warm, now bloodied, bullet-riddled body sullying your floor!

But what if one of those dirty marauders happens to be after your very 2nd amendment right to bear semi-automatic weapons, and tries to steal all your shiny metal guns before you have the chance to pump ’em full of hollow tipped holes and splatter the sucker’s brain all over the wall? Then what??

Well, for a mere $60 (or like $100 worth of Glenn Beck gold coins) you too can be prepared for your own apocalyptic disaster and/or nightmare scenario when roving gangs of vicious punks come prowling around your trailer, licking their chops at the chance to take away all your precious guns and, maybe have their merry way with your supple wife and daughter too, mwhahahahaha!

It’s called HideYourGuns.com and if you too are a patriot of America who falls for pop-up ads about fat suburban wives morphing into size 0 supermodels all by following this one old secret online, then this is for you!

Unless, of course you’re some twinkle-toed NObama lovin’ librul…

“If you’re shocked by straight talk about the nature of the crisis facing our country, this book may not be for you. And if you’re a liberal and are offended by talk about God and country, this is definitely not for you.”

But if you’re packin’ something other than a Gideon bible in your back pocket, then this badboy’s for you!

“As those punks left my house that day they must have been feeling that they had cleaned me out completely. But even with a broken wrist I got the last laugh. Here’s why: I had a secret cache of weapons hidden deep inside my house, where no thugs or even a sophisticated criminal would ever think to look.”

“I knew that hidden safely away in my house was my real gun collection, the one worth thousands of dollars and including muzzle loaders from the ‘War Between the States’ and a few guns my grandfather gave me when I was young. The truth is, even if they had known where to look, they wouldn’t have gotten them.”

Hahaha, the mindless fools! Thinkin’ they swiped your prized rifle/pistol/semiautomatic gun collection (from the terrible war of Northern Aggression) when all they really came away with was some cheap decoy guns you don’t even care about or tenderly clean with a soft cloth and warm spit every night by the fire while watching your favoritest Fox News anchor hoot ‘n holler about these gun-hungry hooligans.

It’s all part of the ingenious wingnut secret available only to those true red, white, ‘n blue patriots willing to shell out $50 plus another $10 for shipping and handling for their very own fool-proof manual on how to dupe dark-skinned criminals into stealing the wrong gun collection when breaking & entering your home during times of lawlessness, anarchy, catastrophe, or liberal black presidents with Hussein in his name.

“I also explain the truth about a ‘panic room’ and how and when it might be a good idea for you to get busy and build one. But that’s not all. I reveal the cold hard truth about buying the right kind of safe for your valuables, including:

When you need a safe and what kind to buy. Where to put your safe so they can’t get into it, even if they manage to find it (page 15). What you absolutely must have on the bottom of the safe. Four questions you must ask the safe company before you buy.

If you’re like me, you’re not just worried about hiding your guns but gold coins and other valuables as well. The truth is, you should be building an emergency preparedness plan for your family or loved ones right now in the event of a terrorist attack or civil unrest. (I cover all this in the book).”

Right now!! Or better yet, as soon as that secret Muslim terrorist elitist Barack Hussein Obama hijacked the once-pure White House!

But that’s not all! Author and brainchild behind this brilliant hideyourguns movement, Sam “Sharkman” Adams, will also give you top-secret advice on how to stay a lean mean armed & dangerous fighting machine when the rest of the dumb public are being led like little sheep to the slaughter by crazed Democrats who would like nothing more than to usher in the end of the world through affordable health care and sensible financial practices.

“But I do give you step by step examples you can implement immediately to secure your guns, gold and other valuables. With this new-found knowledge you’ll remain one of the few armed citizens when most of the pathetic sheep are rendered defenseless.”

“I have to warn you…this information is likely to send shockwaves through the liberal media, so be discreet about how you use it and who you tell about it.”

OOOH, OOOH, secret is sooooooo safe with us! No Jew-run media will ever pry it from our warm, trigger wrapped fingers. Ha ha, yeah, over their dumb, cold, dead liberal hands!

“This book is the only one of its kind in the world, sort of like having your own private pass to Fort Knox, where your guns and valuables are safe from predators.”

Not including the blue-soon-to-maybe-be-blind-eyed, blond haired scavenging Fox News kind you see weeping on the teevee every night.

But if you act now, Mr. Sharkman Adams will also throw in FREE special bonus which includes an amazing 2-part CD set with intense “hard-core” techniques for debating with dumb, soon-to-be-dead liberals about guns. It’s called The Great Gun Debate: How To Argue With Liberals About Guns And Win Every Time!

He will also rush you a bonus DVD: The Real Story Behind The Second Amendment. (Hint: No damn Yankee will ever take away your precious right to enslave an entire race again!). And as if that weren’t enough, a third gift, The No B.S. Home Defense With Firearms E-book will be sent to you at no extra cost, complete with such life-saving advice as:

  • Which lethal weapons you must have in the house
  • The truth about a home-defense gun fight.
  • Absolute best shotgun for home-defense.
  • Why everyone should own a handgun?
  • How to select the best handgun.
  • Effective handgun combat firing techniques inside a house.
  • Best ways to avoid a dangerous firearms accident in the home
  • What if you have to really shoot someone? (legal issues)
  • Why almost everyone is wrong about what it takes to deter a criminal
  • Special firearms advice for the elderly and disabled
  • How to learn to think like a criminal.
  • Why you should never go looking for someone who’s broken into your house.

Quick America, act now before blacky NObama and his commie Army of thugs and criminals (and Mexicans!) come knocking down your heavily-fortified steel-encased shelter door to take away your worthless valuable Glenn Beck-sponsored gold-plated coins, constitutional right to make homemade ballistic missiles, hide weapons caches, and other can’t-live-without necessary items like fallout shelters and mine fields to help keep America safe from crazed psychopaths bloodthirsty for hippie dippie human sheep without paranoid schizophrenic tendencies who don’t even realize grave danger lurks around every corner!

So grab your Ron Paul holster, Glenn Beck gold coins or personal currency of choice, so when the big, bad gubmint, scary black people, question-askin’ census workers, turban-sportin’ terrorists, poors, queers, border jumpin’ Mexis, Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses, cookie-wielding girl scouts, and/or aliens from outer space come for you and your loved ones during the coming Obamageddon and end of civilization as we know it, you can go out with a Grand Ol’ freedom-lovin’ BANG!, instead of a pathetic, pansy liberal BLEAT!

1 comment to A Handy New How-To Wingnut Guide For When The Big Bad Government Comes For Your Innocent Guns

Leave a Reply

 

 

 

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>