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A Diamond Is Forever; Bristol Palin And Levi Johnston Not So Much
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
Oh no! America’s favorite role models for unwed teenage pregnancies you don’t regret but just wished happened ten years later, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have called off their engagement. A stunning twist in what otherwise was a perfect, fairy tale romance.
The heart-breaking news comes just 2 1/2 months after 18-year-old Bristol gave birth to the happy former couple’s first child, a baby boy named Tripp.
Bristol and 19-year-old baby daddy Levi Johnston were planning to get married after they completed high school, but instead have decided to go their separate ways.
Although details of the split are unclear, the break-up apparently happened a “few weeks ago” and was a “mutual decision,” despite some nasty rumors swirling on the internet involving the words “Levi” and “white trash.” Preposterous, I know.
Of course, Levi is still committed to being a “hands-on dad” and the best father possible to their infant son Tripp. Levi’s so dedicated to his son that he might even look for a job since that whole oil field gig didn’t work out too well for him. Bristol, meanwhile, is doing well, and is currently attending Wasilla High and considering enrolling in college next fall to study nursing and learn alternatives to abstinence-only education, like how condoms can help prevent babies from growing inside of you.
As far as her newfound motherhood affecting her college aspirations, Bristol isn’t worried. She’ll just hand off little Tripp to Mama Bear Sarah Palin. She’d never mind one more miracle of God.
 
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Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.
[...] subconscious urges to show Mama Bear how a real mother neglects and damages their first born precious miracles of God (or drunken regret) by repeating a slightly tweaked version of mama’s same [...]