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Failed Family Values Republican Candidate Proves He's Still #1 At Beating His Wife

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: A wingnut Republican from some bumblef*ck place in the South is caught abortin’, fornicatin’, beatin’, lyin’ or pretty much doing the one terrible, non-Jesusy thing they are always shrieking about, other than that black feller in the White House.

Like the newest member of the fraternity of Grand Old […]

Marco Rubio Is An Idiot, Not A Scientist, Automatically Qualifying Him As 2016 GOP Frontrunner

The Grand Old Party of Grandfatherly Old White Men hasn’t been doing so hot with the under 65, non-racist, non-legitimate rape-and-fetus-obsessed crowd, probably because they’re usually too busy condemning them to hell instead.

Good thing, there is one young, strapping, hip-hop lovin’ Cuban man ready to rise from the Mitt Romney-tinged ashes of the Republican Party […]

The Spy Who Shagged Me: General Petraeus Taken Out By Bizarre Love Triangle Not Bullets

Another day, another hot steamy CIA sexytime affair threatening to bring down more and more of the military’s brightest minds and busiest loins with each passing, sexually harassing, medal-and-misogynist-filled moment.

By now, I’m sure you all know about David Petraeus, the retired four-star general and (now former) director of the CIA, who made the terrible mistake […]

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: President Obama Tries To Call John Boehner & Mitch McConnell, But They Were Too Busy Dreaming About Killing Poor People

Jealous over all the alone time President NObama’s been spending with his new boyfriend Chris Christie, Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell channeled their pain just like you’d expect from two petulant, scheming, emotionally stunted career politicians who got steamrolled by the electorate dedicated public servants deeply concerned with doing whatever is best for the […]

DEMOCRALYPSE 2012: DID OBAMA WIN THE ELECTION?? YES HE DID!

OMG, IT”S HERE!

The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.

ELECTION DAY!

So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

New Totally Non-Racist Ohio Ad Kindly Asks Black People To Vote For Mitt Romney Because Abraham Lincoln Freed The Slaves, Duh!

Wassup black people? This one stock photo black guy with a booming voice and weird Mormon-ish look about him has a MAJOR REVELATION for you, black Americans living in Ohio.

Now take off your Beats by Dre Headphones and listen because this is important (unlike say, you people, in non-election years).

It is a BIG […]