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Cindy McCain Would Feel Your Pain America, If She Wasn't Too Busy Feeling The Golden Warmth Of Sunny San Diego

Cindy of McCain fame, not to be confused with the equally destructive Sandy of Hurricane fame, took a break from her very important life rolling around in freshly minted $100 dollar bills to let the whole world know she is loving life right now…in sunny San Diego!

Hooray!

Not only is the sun shining and birds chirping, […]

Lindsay Lohan Proves That Undecided Voters Aren't Just Idiots, They're Spoiled Drug Addicts Too

LOLZ, so true! Decisions can be so, umm, what’s the word I’m looking for again, err, oh yeah, hard. Yes, decisions can be sooo hard!

Lindsay Lohan totes gets this! She simply does not know what to do about this whole “presidential race” thing, and it is like seriously stressing her out. Like WAY more than […]

President Obama Diagnoses Mitt Romney With "Romnesia," The Mysterious Disease That Causes Him To Forget His Own Positions

Dr. Barack H. Obama, MD has seen the symptoms – the backtracking & sidestepping, the flipping & flopping, the waffling and wavering – and is ready to diagnose rival Mitt Romney with what’s been ailing him.

Looks like Mr. “Severely Conservative” has a severe case of Romnesia, a condition he’s been suffering from all […]

The Lies That Bind: Mitt Romney Loves Women So Much He Has Binders Full Of Them

U Mad Bro?

Oh Mittens! Fresh off schooling President NOBAMA in the first debate through his devastating combo of shrieking, lying, and threatening to murder Big Bird, Mitt Romney was once again locked, loaded (I don’t mean $$$), and ready to Bain Capital the shit out of Barack Obama.

Are you ready to rumble, America?

Good […]

Duck, Duck, Gay? Homeschooled Teen Girl Wisely Teaches World That Evolution Turns Gay People Into Ducks

Donald & Daffy Not Donald & Ronald!

Are you a good, Jesus-loving Christian who fears the heathen public school system will turn your once-innocent child into a raging homosexual liberal who believes in crazy things like science and history?

Yes? Then do we have the education solution for you, my friend! It’s called homeschooling and […]

Dreams Of My Fatherland: Wingnut Arkansas Rep. Jon Hubbard Pens Tribute To Slavery & Nazism Proving Little Rock Isn't Just A Capital, But What's Between Their Ears

Arkansas Representative Jon Hubbard (R-Whitelandia) isn’t afraid to speak his mind, probably because eating paint chips was part of a balanced breakfast growing up in Arkansas.

Because much like other disturbed Hubbards before him, L. Jon Hubbard (The L stands for lunatic) has an unconventional way of looking at things, specifically the merits of slavery (hard […]

Bye Bye Birdie: Fightin' Mitt Romney Brings His Knack For Firing People To Prime Time!

Well hellooooo America! In case you missed Wednesday night’s 90-minute tragicomedy, fear not my friend, because the Internets have got you covered!

And the winner is…you, America! For having the privilege of witnessing Jim Lehrer get emasculated by Mitt Romney, who will tell him when he’s done speaking, GOD DAMN IT!

“NO, I AM NOT DONE, JIM. […]

No Laughing Matter: Scott Brown's "Model" Justice Is All Of Them But Really Whoever People Like Best

Ah, the smell of manliness and money in the air can only mean one thing: debate time in Massachussets!

Get your abs chiseled, tomahawks chopping, racist Native American war-chants whooping, and get ready to watch Scott Brown show Elizabeth Warren a thing or two about why women are too stupid and weak to win […]