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Texas GOP Bans 'Critical Thinking' In Schools Because Knowledge Is For Godless Commies & Queer Democrats (AKA All Non-Texas Residents)

Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the huge, swinging cojones of the Grand Old Party in Grand Old Texas.

Hell, just look at their latest, greatest platform outlining the GOP’s brilliant (by Texas standards, retarded to everyone else) policies for 2012. Wait, or was it 1220? I can never remember!

Middle Aged men, the Middle Ages, is there […]

Joe The Plumber Clogs America's Airwaves With A Big Load Blaming Gun Control For The Holocaust

Samuel “Joe The Plumber” Wurzelbacher may not be a plumber or even named Joe, but he’s not about to let silly things like facts or reality get in the way of his latest, greatest venture as the single most brilliant scholar to ever represent Ohio’s 9th District in the U.S. Congress (fingers crossed!).

And […]

West Virginia Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin's Message To Fellow Dems Is The Same As The Rest Of The Nation's Message To West Virginia: Drop Dead

Whoa Easy Now Fellow, Not Too Close!

West Virginia Senator and closet Democrat Joe “Just Like The Plumber” Manchin would like nothing more than to let the good people of his Mountain ‘n Mesothelioma-wracked home state know that despite that dastardly (D) after his name and the fact that he caucuses with the Senate’s […]

Shitty Montana GOP Convention Ironically Features Fake Bullet-Ridden "Obama Library" Porta-Potty, Parades Of People With Shit-For-Brains

HAW HAW HAW! The good citizens comedians of Missoula know the only thing “funnier” (in a tragic Montana sort of way) than having a black illegal secret Muslim Socialist from Kenya as President are hilarious pre-school level poo poo and pee pee jokes about him.

At Saturday’s Republican Party convention in Missoula, Montana, a few convention-goers […]

Utah's GOP Chair's Awful, Illiterate Wife Reminds The Nation Why You Should Never Let A Gay On The Ballot Or Get An Education In Utah

Fred Karger, you know, the openly gay Republican who is still “running” for president (adorable, right?) even though everyone knows the only gay Republicans who exist are the secret, self-hating, hiding-in-Marcus-Bachmann’s-closet kind.

Well, apparantly Fred didn’t get the memo that his Grand Old Party of bigots and hypocrites don’t much care for him or the rest […]

Virginia Lawmakers Join North Carolina In Deciding Denial Is The Best Solution Because 'Rising Sea Levels' Are A 'Left-Wing Plot' To Not Murder Mother Earth

While crazed, bath salt-riddled zombies are eating people’s faces and the sanctity of heterosexual marriage continues its apocalyptic death spiral into the scary gay abyss, some people are worried about silly, trivial things like oh, I don’t know, the ocean crashing through their living room and turning their houses into floating pieces of wood and […]

The Kids Are All Right, Just Not This Freaky 14-Year-Old Homophobic Radio Host From West Virginia

Kids these days! When not pouring liquor into their eyeballs or guzzling bottles of hand sanitizer while planking off a guard rail 50 stories in the air, they’re doing CRAZY things like, oh I don’t know, coming to terms with their own scary, confusing (anything-but-homo)sexuality.

Like 14-year-old West Virginian and Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh/Pope Pius […]

Dead Man Walking: Scott Walker Survives Election Recall, Sadly The State Of Wisconsin Probably Won't

Do you feel the excitement America? If you have a cheese wheel on your head and a cheese curd in your hand, you do! It’s game time, Wisconsin!

Only a few more hours until bcherished Kochsucking Wisconsin crusher of hopes, dreams, and collective bargaining agreements Gov. Scott Walker is sent packing like the workers unions and […]

The White Stuff: Republicans In Pennsylvania Prove They Aren't Racist By Electing (Totally Not Racist) White Supremacist & Neo Nazi To GOP County Board

The absolutely, in-no-way-racist Republican Party in equally non-racist Luzerne County, Pennsylvania have decided to prove how awesomely non-racist they are by electing actual neo-Nazi and lifelong white supremacist Steve Smith (ha, no not that Steve Smith) to the county’s GOP Committee, thanks to the rabid support of the Teabaggers, who naturally also don’t have a […]