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Obama Gently Reminds Serial Hotel Maid Groper & (Former) IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Look With Your Eyes, Not With Your Hands!

“Sir, Step Away From The First Lady!”

Some pictures say a thousand words. This one just says four: Watch It Old Man!

Okay, okay, fine, so alleged sexual assault is usually no laughing matter. But then again, this 2009 photo of alleged sexual assaulter and serial maid harasser Dominique Strauss-Kahn meeting President Barack Obama and First Lady […]

Eric Cantor: Putting The Can't In Helping Tornado Victims Or Anyone Not Named Eric Cantor

House majority leader and sniveling greed monster Eric Cantor (Republican-Hell) never met a natural disaster victim he didn’t feel complete indifference towards or emergency relief budget he didn’t want to slash into tiny bits and pieces, sort of like the town of Joplin, Missouri where raging tornadoes and violent storms killed at least 122 people, […]

Sarah Palin's Burning Belly Means She's Either Running For President Or Naming Her Next Child Fire

Unlike that delicate, sensitive Mississippi flower Haley Barbour or creationist and cream puff-loving minister of cheeseburgers Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin has got what it takes (a low IQ?) to run for president of the United States of Jesus. For one thing, she is more than prepared for the many challenges that lie ahead, not to […]

All That Glitters Isn't Gold; In Newt's Case, He's Still Dull, White, & Old

Newt Gingrich sure has had a tough week!

First, poor ol’ Newt was forced to apologize to Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan for calling Ryan’s insane, screw-the-old-people budget “radical” (which it is), and explain to one enraged Teabagger after another how terribly sorry he is for his meany words, almost as terribly sorry that it all […]

IMF Chief & Serial Sex Fiend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Probably Just Confused A Hotel Maid With A Third-World Country

Sacré bleu! International Man of Mystery Monetary Fund chief (aka the man in charge of the world’s cash money) Dominique Strauss-Kahn was hauled off an Air France flight (first class, of course!) minutes before take-off all because cops say he tried to rape a lowly hotel maid before hightailing his pricey li’l derrière to the […]

NJ Governor Chris Christie Won't Say If He Believes In Evolution, But Admits His Deep Belief In Second Helpings

New Jersey Governor of Sandwiches, Chris (yes, I have the same name twice) Christie was either in a terrible mood, terribly hungry, or terribly confused when he mistook a reporter for a patty melt, because he practically bit her head off for asking a simple, innocent question, if he believes in evolution or the […]

What's The Only Thing Scarier Than War & Famine In Uganda? Gay People, Of Course!

Uganda’s enlightened 15th century 21st century bill condemning terrible, no-good gays & lezzies, and all “active homosexuals living with HIV” to death (and probably not by chocolate!) or at the very least, life imprisonment for anyone known to participate in “homosexual acts,” has been temporarily shelved, and only partially because it is batsh*t […]

Aaron Schock Bares His Chest To Show The World He Doesn't Need Hot Pink Shirts & Tight White Pants To Look Gay

You remember Aaron Schock don’t you? The fuchsia gingham shirt-wearing, straight-as-your-hairdresser Republican congressman from Illinois who simply adores voting against the rights of poors, gays, and all other dumb, pathetic schlubs who don’t spend endless hours breathing heavily next to other, sweaty, scantily-clad men all while working to perfect their very own ripped set of […]

How Do You Know You're In Alaska? The Writing's On The Wall!

Ah, Alaska, where the snow comes whipping down the plain and year-round, sub-zero winter causes pain!

The majestic land of scantily populated outcasts, grizzled mainland failures, migrating moose, and money-grubbing half-term governors of God ‘n guns, whose idea of publicly funded art isn’t a sidewalk mural or main street sculpture, but misspelled, grammatically incorrect chickenscratch scrawled […]

Birthers Know Obama Probably Just Killed Bin Laden To Distract From The Birth Certificate Scandal In Their Heads

Okay, fine so President Barack Obama (if that is even his real name) managed to track down and kill that crazy, (man)-cave dwelling, bearded terrorist guy the U.S. has been desperately hunting for oh, I don’t know, only about the last decade or so. Well, whoopdedoo for him!

Just because NObama happened to accomplish what no […]