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New Study Proves What We All Suspected: It's Not A Person's Fault They're Conservative, It's Their Damaged Brain!

Bored sexless scientists in dreary old Londontowne, England have discovered what most of humanity has already long suspected: scientists are boring, socially awkward, sexually deprived dweebs with a bit too much time on their hands. Err, wait, we didn’t need a study to prove that.

What we did (apparently) need a study to prove, however, is […]

The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming! Meaning Rightwing Nutjobs Are CPACking Their Bags & Heading For The Homo-Free Haven Better Known As Denial

America’s favoritest wingnut conference “CPAC” has shined the bright spotlight of hate on many a rising rightwing star, such as the inimitable Sarah Palin/Palin Family Inc.™, adorable giraffe necked alien Ann Coulter, off-the-hook Republican National Chairman of hip hop Michael “Straight Out Da Streets” Steele, and of course, every other Republican wingnut with dreams of […]

Barack Obama Calls Philadelphia Eagles To Congratulate Them On Michael Vick, First Dog Bo No Longer Barking To Him

Does Bo know about this?

President Barack Obama, aka Barry from the block, called up the owner of Philadelphia Eagles, Jeffrey Lurie, to thank him for giving former dog-killing star quarterback Michael Vick a second chance in the NFL, and not only because it makes Obama’s beloved Chicago Bears’ week 12 win over the Eagles actually […]

Mitt Romney's Christmas Card Reveals He's Either Running For President Or Taking On China's Economy With His Own Strapping Mormon Workforce

Guess which grandchild heard that Papa might run again?

The one that’s hyperventilating, sobbing, “No, papa, noooooooo!!!”

Look, Mitt, I don’t know which one of your perfectly adorable, weirdly named, ridiculously large Mormon brood heard you were running for president again, and frankly, I don’t much care.

Nor does anyone in this great big God-blessed nation […]

Is Everyone's Fave Straight-As-A-Southern-Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed As A Deviant, Army Distracting Homosexual?

South Carolina’s favorite sexually ambiguous native son, lifelong bachelor, and lesbian look-a-like senior Senator Lindsey Graham is always reliably against deviant homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because well, Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all!

And not just any gay-bashin’ war lovin’ rough ‘n tumble conservative from below the Mason-Dixon line, but a certain effeminate, never-been-married […]

No One Asked But McCain's Still Telling...He's A Bitter Old Man Who Hates The Gays Almost As Much As NObama & His Own Pathetic, Miserable Life

Rejoice America because John McCain’s deranged, one-man stinky rotten loser, raging bull destroy-Obama crusade to keep awful gay and lesbian soldiers from admitting they’re in fact awful gay and lesbian soldiers is now as dead as the old man’s last remaining neurons and synapses.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of the usually insufferable but occasionally decent, […]

Ignorance Is Freedom! New Poll Proves Fox News Viewers Are The Dumbest, Most Uninformed People In The World, Right After Fox News' Hosts

But why do the poll numbers add up to 120%, mommy? Because junior, everyone knows 100% is for pussies, math geeks, and lame-o Democrats. Not for hot, sexy Fox News, the undisputed leader in feigned 9/11 outrage, shamelessly bad graphics, mentally unstable news anchors, and baseless lies and mistruths, proudly poisoning America since 1996!

And now […]

It's His House & He'll Cry If He Wants To

Get your man pants on, people!

Weeping orange boner John Boehner apparently did not get the GOP memo about how real Republican men don’t start moaning and wailing like some skirt-wearing sissy queer, they buck the hell up, put on their manliest pair of testosterone-infused man pants (Brett Favre’s Wranglers?) and leave the leaky faucet estrogen […]

Deck The Halls With Greed & Sorrow, Santa Clause-Killing Repubs Are Coming To Town!

Forget the pesky equal-rights demanding gays or the gross poors, this time the ever-righteous, morally pure Grand Old Prophets of Divinity here on Earth have turned their seething, beautifully white hot, perfectly rational rage towards a much more cunning adversary: the Godless n’er-do-well Democrats.

Ugh, the nerve of those bastards trying to actually get critical legislation […]

Heroic Judge Saves Virginia (And Maybe America!) From The Evils Of Affordable Health Care

Congratulations, Virginia! Republican State Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli’s fearless crusade to keep the gubmint’s big, bad, ever-expanding health care paws off the God-fearing, ever-expanding waistlines of the good people of Virginia has finally succeeded…for now.

Hooray!

According to the honorable Henry E. Hudson, a federal judge in Virginia who ruled parts of Barack Obama’s signature health care […]