Categories

Archives

America's Special People & Living Warnings Against The Dangers Of KFC Arrive For Beckapalooza

Hark, ye caffeinated patriots of the revolution! Rise up, err, or umm remain seated, ye lardbottoms on your ridiculous scooters, paid for by NObama’s Socialist Medicare, so you can stay politically active while remaining aerobically inactive, like true freedom fighters fulfilling MLK’s dream of equality and saturated-fat clogged arteries.

Woohoo!

On this most historic, miraculous God & […]

The 43-Year-Old Virgin Is Bursting Out Of The Closet Now That He's Finished Trying To Stuff His Entire Fellow LGBT Community Back In!

Open Wide…

Well, well now isn’t this just rich. Fabulous, really!

Weird, self-loathing closet case, former Republican National Committee chair, George Bush’s 2004 campaign manager, and pretty much the policy equivalent of the AIDS virus on the LGBT community, Ken Mehlman has ever so graciously decided to spare the American people the suspense and come out […]

How Much Does It Cost For An Old, Washed Up Maverick To Buy His Way Out Of Retirement & Win An Election?

Congratulations America! All your hard work, tireless efforts, and Cindy McCain’s beer money have finally paid off because John McCain, THE John McCain, has officially defeated certified nutjob and
world-famous infomercial star J.D. Hayworth to win Arizona’s Senate seat and return once again to Washington, DC to give the nation another six years (at least!) of […]

Glenn Beck Has A Dream...That You Make Him Even Richer By Buying His Dumb Book & Attending His White Power Rally In DC

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s paler, pudgier (un)civil rights “brother” Glenn Lee Beck and his army of Teabaggers will be descending on Washington, DC this weekend to commemorate the anniversary of MLK’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech for whatever reason mobs of angry white men choose to honor the nation’s foremost civil rights activists […]

As If The Cordoba House Wasn't Enough, Now The Muslims Are Coming After The Paul House Too!

A House Divided Cannot Stand, Even A House Of Pauls!

Ooooh, are America’s favorite “Dr. R. Pauls” (as in Ron the elder and Rand the dumber) in the middle of a heated Muslim ‘n mosque-fueled fight??

But how could Rand’s deliciously red, Christian apple fall so far from father’s tree? Surely, Jesus did not die for our […]

Is North Korea's Hot Man-Tail Hunting Facebook Profile A Dirty Capitalist Trick, Or Is Kim Jong Il The Next Desperate Housewife Of The DMZ?

Much like Gramps McCain and the rest of the old, creepy Republicans desperately trying to recapture their-once youthful glow by mastering the art, no make that the science, of popular tween social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook before him, a new, even creepier Asian kid has decided to join the rest of […]

Now You Can Wear Whatever Dumb, Terrible Reason You're Voting Tea Party Right On Your Proud, White Chest!

Do you crave a hot, new look like some phat new gear to ironically display your disgust at the freaky hillbillies and Klansmen running around with Teabags taped to various appendages, while hootin’ & hollerin’ ’bout how Blacky NObama’s big, bad gubmint is bankruptin’ America?

Then, these chic new “I’m Voting Tea Party” (fill-in-the-blank with whatever […]

No Country For Embittered Old Men

“America, Arizona we’re all struggling. I can’t think of a time in my life when we had bigger or more vital issues at stake than today.”

In fact, Gramps over here can’t remember very much of anything these days!

Ehhh, where was I? Ah, yes…

“The rebuilding of our economy, the security of our nation, our border, […]

Shakespeare's Sexy Twin, Super Sleuth Sarah Palin, Vomits On Her Blackberry & Calls It A Tweet, Again!

World-famous detective Sarah Palin is on a mission. A mission, this time, not from God, but She-Ra Princess of Power, to find out just who or what nefarious librul forces are behind the terrible hijacking of the term “feminist” (Muslims?), her favoritest phrase in the whole wide world, even if she doesn’t really know what […]

Sarah Palin Continues To Prove Her Love For America By Showing Her Hatred Of Muslims

Sarah Louise Palin continues to defy reason, logic, our wildest imaginations, and even the basic laws of science on her national quest to make America a dumber, more hateful, intolerant place like her favoritest Russia or Alaska or whatever, by destroying it from the inside out.

Although, to be perfectly honest, one would probably gain more […]