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Will 1,000,000 Facebook Prayers Be Enough To Save Dearest Glenn Beck From Becoming America’s Favoritest Blind Prophet?

When we were hit with the devastating news that the oracle of the ages, the spiritual eyes of loyal Christian patriots around the world, Glenn Lee Beck, may or may not go blind within the next year, we could hardly believe our still-functioning ears!

Not Glenn Lee Beck, the beautiful blond-haired, blue-but-maybe-also-blind-eyed divine angel of truth […]

Republicans Love Blacks & Mexicans So Much, They Just Can't Stop Saying & Doing Weird, Racist Things All The Time

The world’s dopiest illegal stasher of $7 million secret RNC debt, Chairman Michael Steele (who else, yo?) and most deviant duper of liberals and black racists in the White House and NAACP, right-wing media monster mogul Andrew Breitbart are joining forces to create the biggest, most bad-ass fund-raising juggernaut the Republicans, no, make that the […]

The "Healthy Lifestyle" Of Mama Bear Sarah And Her Precious Lovebirds' Bristol & Levi's Drama-Free Sleigh Ride To The Altar

ARGHHHH, Help Bristol, Some Weird Thing Is Touching Me!!

Beloved Arctic heartthrobs Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston decided why the hell not give Us Weekly a little more of the gossipy good stuff, who in turn decided why the hell not place the BRISTOLing interview with the li’l lovebirds in their “Healthy Lifestyle” section of their […]

President Obama Hopes A Li'l History-Making Daytime Chat With The Ladies (Oh & Whoopi Too!) Will Provide A Rosier View Of Things

What do you do when you’re the once-charming, suddenly unpopular, most powerful person in all the world?

Why, you go on ABC’s popular teevee show with the three ladies and that one insane, talking muumuu named Whoopi or Whopper or whatever, and pray to the television gods that Babs Walters, unemployed homemakers, and orgasm-inducing shampoo commercials […]

Rarrrrrr! Asia's Computer-Animated Vision Of Mud Wrestling, Pole Dancing, Dope Smoking, Lara Croft Version Of 2012 Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin

It’s always refreshingly eye-opening to see how other cultures view America’s various power-hungry demagogues and fraudulent national celebrities embarrassments, especially when that culture happens to be of the Asian variety, where every last one of us will likely be employed as factory workers in the near future, making cheap, poorly constructed products to sell […]

Hooray! Right Wing Succeeds In Getting Innocent USDA Lady Fired, Degrading The Race Debate, & Making Everyone Involved Look Terrible, Except Photoshop!

Word of advice to the Obama administration. Next time some rightwing media blight like Andrew Breitbart releases some highly misleading, clearly tampered with video showing (former?) USDA’s Georgia Director Of Rural Development Shirley Sherrod–whose job is was to basically help poor people (of all colors!) not get screwed out of their farms–as a terrible […]

Democrats Violate Obama’s Personal Space As He Signs Away Wall Street’s Ability To Dupe The Dumb Public Whenever They Want…For Freedom!

Democratic congressional leaders happily hover around President Barack Obama as he signs the Dodd-Frank financial regulatory reform bill, giving the big, bad government sweeping oversight powers to regulate just how much Big Business/Wall Street is allowed to screw over dumb, everyday schmucks like you and me. Which, as it turns out, is not so much […]

OMG! Lindsey Graham's Vote For Elena Kagan Ensures He'll Lose His Next Election To Some White Hood 'N Robe Wearin' Patriot Who Thinks Less But Hates More

Dick Durbin Whispers Sweet Nothings To Lindsey Graham As John Cornyn Jealously Fumes…

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance questionably lesbian, definitely Socialist softball player Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination to the full Senate by a vote of 13 to 6, split almost entirely along party lines (OMG, that’s craziness!) except for that one […]

“I See (Gold!),” Said The Blind Man!

Living legend and divine messenger Glenn Lee Beck is under investigation for his Goldline International scam, and also could go blind within a year, though, apparently it is not related to scamming people into buying worthless faux gold coins.

Talk about a rough week!

California authorities have launched an investigation into claims that Goldline International—the […]

Dick Cheney Doesn't Need Some Stupid Pulse To Continue Living, You Mortal Fools!

Two-time vice-presidential dark lord of the underworld Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. Tragic, but true!

Sadly, the beloved 69-year-old white-haired hero of Iraq/Waterboarding/Enron/Katrina, five-time heart attack survivor, and grandfather to all, Dick Cheney now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump —implanted in his chest with […]