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Oil's Well That Ends Well...Or In Total Disaster! Just Ask Charlie Crist Or Charlie The Tuna

Drill, Baby, Drill! Drill, Baby, Drill! Drill, Baby, Drill!

Everyone knows environmental conservation and coastal drilling go together like, well, water and oil, especially the more than 200,000 gallons spilling into the Gulf of Mexico every day, after another one of those really safe, technologically sound British Petroleum-leased oil rigs exploded, killing 11 workers and spewing […]

Boycotting Arizona Is Easier Than Uno, Dos, Tres!

Welcome, America to the newest member of the Wild, Wild West, everyone’s favorite Mexican’ hatin’, trashy wasteland of parched desert, crumbling business, and misguided legislation, the lighter, purer, swastika peppered land of Aryanzona! Yay!

But just in case you’re one of those hoity-toity, arugula eating liberals who just hates it when dumb, sparsely […]

GOP Bands Together To Form Wall Of "No" To Preserve Their Favorite Wall Of "Ye$"

Oh No, Not Again!

New “bipartisan” financial legislation, supported by the vast majority of poor, hardworking losers like you and me, to help reign in Wall Street and put an end to not-at-all-selfish, bad-mortgage derivatives and other “fun” number games used by major banks to bet against their own investors, and screw over the […]

Hurricane $arah Storms Through Oregon, Destroying All Intelligent Life In Its Wake

Category 5 Hurricane $arah Louise made landfall in wacky tobacky smokin’ Eugene, Oregon for a li’l one-on-one session with “everyday, hard-working Americans,” who make the great Beaver State the red hot, gun crackin’, gay bashing, immigrant hatin’, bastion of the hard Right we know and love today. Or at least in $arah Palin’s demented mind, […]

$arah Palin's Quest To Bring Down 22-Year-Old Cyber Menace Who Guessed Her Yahoo! Password Two Years Ago

Awful arctic drifter $arah Palin is apparently getting bored making boatloads of money by quitting her day job(s) so she can put all her energies into doing what she does best: nothing!

Except, of course, when using her vast political knowledge and expertise on all security matters to help bring to justice a terrible blight on […]

Bristol Palin’s Very Important Public Service Announcement Warning Poor People To Pause Before Having Abortions

Hey America, it’s me, Bristol coming to you live (and most certainly edited) to give you, the public, a very important public service announcement about what happens when you, the bored daughter of Alaskan royalty, decide to get drunk and make maverick (aka no jimmy hat) sexytime with hotty boy toy Levi Johnston in the […]

Michael Steele Admits GOP Has Been Using Race For 40+ Years, As Its Actual Strategy, Hooray!

Everyone knows honesty is the best policy, except when you’re the off-the-hook black chairman of the Republican National Committee and one of those nosy, arugula-eating, liberal elitists asks some crazy, trick question like “Why should an African-American vote Republican?”

Now this is typically the moment when said politician or in this case, esteemed RNC Chairman, espouses […]

Arizona, Proudly Scaring The Bejesus Out Of America Since 1912

America’s lovely parched desert landscape of cacti and Gila monsters (no, not that otherworldly beast pictured above), plus plentiful racist, Mexican-hating wingnuts have helped make Arizona the majestic, Big-Government dependent, scorched used tire outlet, we Americans, know and love so well.

Throw in that confused old man who blessed the public with some lipstick wearing maverick […]

Justice Is Blind...If Only Someone Invented A Language Of Dots To Overcome This Affliction

Ah yes, the mighty Supreme Court, the ultimate judicial body on all issues, including final interpretive authority on laws relating to technology across this great land. Hooray!

So while these nine justices–the brightest legal minds in the country–may be well versed when it comes to matters of Stare Decisis, ask ’em about Sega Genesis, and all […]

Meet Harley D. Brown, Idaho's Second Smartest Export After The Potato

Just when you thought the only thing Idaho was good for was shoving delicious golden potatoes and closeted gay sex monsters masquerading as Republican senators by the name of Larry Craig, down the throats of the American public, the lovely Spud State is at it again, this time in the form of fat anger […]