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Why George Bush’s Been Working On His Fastball

Since he loves baseball and doesn’t have much to do these days except bother Laura and tinker with his sweet new presidential memoir on important decisions, former commander-in-chief George W. Bush figures what better way to spend April 6 than throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at the home opener for the coolest, most awesomest […]

Obama To GM CEO: "Hit The Road, Rick!"

Rick Wagoner, He Gone!

Presidential bully Barack Obama’s reign of terror against the humble, hard-working CEO’s of the auto industry continued over the weekend.

The latest casualty of his war on greed was none other than General Motors’ CEO Richard Wagoner, whose high-rolling, eight year tenure ushering in the collapse of the GM empire came to an […]

Grassley Gone Wild!

Aww, snap!

Things sure got chippy between Senators Kent Conrad (D-N.D.) and Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) during an otherwise dreadfully painful senate budget committee hearing last week.

A man can only take so many hours of number crunching and endless back-and-forth banter before he’s going to snap. And when Sen. Charles Grassley snaps, he snaps hard.

But this […]

Twitter Dee & Twitter Dum

God damn f**king Twitter! If it’s not the stupidest, most idiotic 140-character waste of time ever invented, I don’t know what is. It even makes those ridiculous Tamagotchis seem brilliant, which is no small feat for a digital, egg-shaped, hand-held pet that eats, pees and dies.

Yet, Twitter has officially managed to become the new crack […]

Everybody’s Doing It…

Michelle Obama isn’t the only hot new trend featured in April’s issue of O Magazine.

Girls banging girls is also very in right now. But it’s not just LinLo and her DJ boyfriend girlfriend Samantha Ronson. Or Cynthia Nixon and her um well whatever you wanna call that.

Housewives, desperate and otherwise across the country, are leaving […]

A Different Kind Of Stimulus Package!

Another kind of bank is offering customers their own stimulus package during these tough economic times.

But instead of the usual boring free checking accounts or slashed interest rates you’ll find at Bank of America or Wachovia, this rebate comes in the form of Grade-A sperm at bargain basement prices!

Welcome to Xytex International, one of the […]

Mother Nature To Bobby Jindal: "Don’t F**k With Me!"

Just in case anyone didn’t already think Piyush “Bobby” Jindal was a total douchebag after that bomb of a speech he gave last month in response to Obama’s stimulus package, Mother Nature made sure they do now.

In addition to making stuff up about his heroic rescue efforts during Hurricane Katrina, Jindal’s unique […]

Sarah Knows The World’s Most Precious And Unique People Don’t Need Our Help

Sarah Palin is more than just a humble, dedicated public servant to the good people of Alaska. She is also the proud parent of a little boy with Down Syndrome named Trig, and that makes her Mother Theresa of the special needs community.

So you can imagine how disgusted the patron saint of special needs […]

From Commerce Secretary Nominee To Doomsday Oracle

Remember that classy guy Sen. Judd Gregg who cheerfully accepted President Obama’s Commerce Secretary nomination before realizing he despised the man and the rest of his stupid, money-spending Democratic deadbeat friends.

Well, he’s not just going to withdraw his nomination, spit on Obama’s bipartisan peace offering, and go off gentle into that good night. No sir-ee.

He’s […]

The Smartest Thing The Man's Never Said

Unlike the rest of the doomsday Republicans, former president George W. Bush isn’t about to jump on the bandwagon of relentless Obama-bashing just because it’s cool to gang up on the guy making the decisions.

You see, Bush knows what it’s like being “The Decider,” and making the tough choices for the good of the country […]